Sent to Make it Right
by depressedchildren
Summary: Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." If L could find Kira, if his main suspect hadn't died; maybe then he'd have Light-chan. LxLight, AU-ish, and mentions of rape. beter summary inside
1. prologue

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own deathnote,I could never come up with that plot even in my most subdued dreams.

**_Better Summary & WARNINGS:_** "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,** character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one**. 

**_A/N:_ **Hi! This is my first time putting a fanfic I started on another site up on a different site –did that make any sense? This is a fanfic I posted up on mediaminer but I have been thinking about posting it up somewhere else too, so yeah, here it is. I edited it a little; rephrasing things and making some grammatical corrections but the plot and everything should be the same. I guess it's also cool to hear what other "types" of readers think about my stories. So I hope you enjoy the prologue of Sent to Make it Right. – depressedchildren

88

"Hmm…?" an elderly man stopped in his stride to look at a child staring out into the world from a filthy alley. The kid's eyes were blank making beautiful brown eyes dull and lifeless. The child's solemn expression, that adorned the slightly feminine features, made the child look much older and intimidating. The child paid no attention to what went on around it, which was evident as a wind whipped through the filthy alley, making the child's brown hair dance in the breeze. The child wore dirty worn clothes and looked so familiar to the elderly man. His instinct told him to take the child away from the cold dirty alley, but he forced himself to continue on. L got rather annoyed when he didn't have his sweets while he worked, and the elderly man was carrying the detective's daily sweets at the moment. It was when the man came back to the hotel room that he realized why the child looked so familiar. His stomach knotted and he felt dread set into him…was the child some forewarning sign of what news had awaited him when he came back into the investigation room?

The child looked much like the late Yagami Raito, just much, much younger and perhaps slightly more delicate. 

88

It came as a shock to the investigation team, Yagami Raito had not come back from school the pervious day; and was reported dead just minutes before Watari came back with the sweets he had been sent to get. The hotel room was deathly silent as everyone mourned the tragic event. Yagami Soichiro was pale and frozen in disbelief. The coroner had not yet determined how the teen had died but it was obvious something gruesome had happened, and that the boy ended up in a water channel washing away some possibly important evidence. The team was waiting for the report, Matsuda shaking as silent tears rolled down his face. L could not think, he lost his main suspect; he had been positive that it was Yagami Raito who was Kira, but now the boy was dead. I-it just couldn't be possible. He felt horrible, his stomach was twisted in all sorts of different directions and a lump was clogging his throat. He was unable to drink his tea or eat anything. He was frozen much like Yagami-san was. With morbid interest L wonder how the man had not yet started to bawl, to break down. Was it merely the shock that kept the man from sobbing, from falling to the ground and shouting to the heavens about how unjust this was? Watari looked ready to be sick, L would have cocked his head to the side and given the elderly man a questioning look but was unable to move. 

It was a very grave day for the investigation team and it halted the team's progress. It was pointless now to continue surveillance on the Yagami residence, there was no one left there to suspect. It was clear Sayu would never be able to pull off what Kira had started; it was much more likely that her brother would have been behind it. It was wrong, how would they ever know… Would anyone know what would have become of such a brilliant teenager? Would Yagami-kun's death seal his innocence or damn him as Kira? It seemed unlikely the later would happen now. He was too young…this wasn't right, but…this happened all the time, didn't it? Teenagers dying, dying before their time, before anything could be done… L shouldn't feel this way; it happens…it happens all the time… _'But if it does then why does this bother me so much…?' _

The coroner had finally called back, and his report was not…not expected. L could see what happened from the lengthy description of the condition the corpse was in. A deep gash was present in the body's forehead, and pieces of building had managed to stay lodged in the wound. It most likely occurred after having his head rammed into the corner of a building. The body had many bruises along the torso and arms some where found along the victim's legs as well, but the most prominent and sickening bruises were on the hips and thighs. There was physical evidence that someone had forced entry into Raito before he died, though no traces of semen were found which led them to believe the channel may have carried that evidence away. The victim's head looked as though it had been smashed repeatedly into a wall or the ground to make the victim fight less as he was being raped. Cuts were scattered all over the corpse, glass stuck from some cuts; making L believe this took place in some alley where broken glass lay strewn across the ground. Some cuts though looked as though they were made by a knife and a rusty one at that (rust was found in those wounds). Yagami Raito most likely bleed to death, though how he ended up in a water channel remained a mystery. For now L assumed that the attacker had dumped the dying teen in the channel.

It was a very grave day indeed for the investigation team. L sent Chief Yagami away, telling him to stay home with his family. 

It seems as though this was also a case L would have to take upon himself to solve. How peculiar it was, the police had found the scene of the rape/murder (hours later after finding the corpse), it was thirty minutes from the channel, but they couldn't find much evidence. The coroner had determined the time of death was approximately five o'clock the previous night. Unfortunately it had rained around midnight and most of the evidence from the crime scene had been washed away, but the police found traces of blood on the corner of a building, and found a bloody rusty knife lying abandoned in a shelter of trashcans. The blood matched Yagami-kun's blood, but they could not find any fingerprints. 

Was this a planned murder, or had it started out as a planned attack, a plan to rape Yagami-kun. The lack of evidence troubled L, but oh how he wished he would be able to solve this, to capture the filth that had done such a crime. L almost felt sick hearing the injuries and seeing the scenario that had gone through his head. Why L had felt that way disturbed him, he had heard and seen worse things, worse crimes, yet this made his stomach flip around and twist in complicated knots. How could this happen? How…?

88

It took the investigation team a long time to get back into the swing of things, though the atmosphere was depressing and it was hard to work under the suffocating feeling. Watari often came back form his errands looking as though he'd seen a ghost and added with the dark atmosphere it was nearly driving the stoic detective up the wall! The deaths continued even though Raito was dead, which quickly confirmed the teen's innocence (not that it meant much now.)

"Watari, I need to walk," the elderly man nodded and let the detective leave the hotel, while he convinced the investigation team to take a break. The elderly man needed to rest, or something, he had received a call from a local adoption agency. He was looking for more children to attend at the Wammy House and the agency said they had recently found a child with no family, no real name, and no papers. It was either irony or fate that that kid just so happened to be the child that looked so much like Yagami-kun. Though the child (who turned out to be a boy) was the perfect candidate, he never talked and was about five years old. The boy also ran away from the agency, but Watari trusted his gut on this, the boy would be good. The old man took a deep breath and prepared himself some tea as he waited for L to come back. 

L's walk was not at all helpful. His mind dwelled on Yagami-kun's death, and for some reason, no mater how hard he tried, L couldn't help but think Kira's being and Raito-kun's death were connected. Just some how…some how he felt that Kira had something to do with Raito's death, and it bothered him to no end! Kira continued to kill; there was no change in how he killed or who he killed, so it was never Raito after all. L hates being incorrect, and this…he had been proven wrong, though he had to be sure…perhaps there was a way to delay the killing, but…but that sounded impossible. New criminals have been dying, old criminals too…no the delay in killing is not possible. With an irritated growl the odd detective began to walk back toward the hotel. 

He passed by an alley by their building when he felt something tug on his jeans. The pale man looked down to see Yagami Raito staring up at him! What! The detective blinked three times, and took a better look at this Raito look a like. It was obviously a child, but the resemblance was uncanny, though his features were softer, more delicate, but equally as feminine as Raito-kun's were. The child looked about four to five years old and obviously alone. The child looked up at L with blank eyes, his soft pink lips slightly parted. L's chest began to hurt staring down at those amazing brown eyes that looked back at him so lifelessly. The small hand still holding onto his jeans started to loosen and suddenly the kid's arm fell to its side and the child's head looked down at the ground. 

"Ah-ha! There you are Light! We figured you'd be there, you missed…" a loud man came up behind the child carrying something, and shouting till he trailed off at the sight of L standing over the downcast child. The man stayed quiet as he judged L's reason to be staring at the child with wide eyes (wider than usual) and deathly looking pale skin. 

"L-Light…?" the detective composed himself and took a better look at the loud man; he was well dress and looked kind. The man smiled.

"Yeah that's this little guy's name, err…well that's what we call him. We've been trying to keep him at the house, but he always runs away. We think his parent's left him when he was born, not a lot about him… He doesn't talk much, and he's going to be adopted soon…" the man trailed off seeing that the pale man wasn't very interested, and settled for guiding the child away from the pale man. The boy turned around to face the shocked detective before facing forward and running off to the other end of the alley. The man stayed behind and looked at the detective warily.

"He never reaches toward anyone unless they act first, he never really speaks, and he just stares; someone must have hurt him. Though there's something about him… Oh well he'll be off to a good home soon…" the man trialed off in thought and began to walk away. L felt sick, and assumed this was why Watari had been looking so ill when he came back from his errands. The detective attempted to keep his expression neutral as he entered the hotel discreetly.

Watari was the first to notice how L looked when he entered the room, and as soon as everyone began to work again he immediately walked over to the detective. "Did you see the boy out in the alley?" the pale man nodded looking even more pale than usual. 

"His name is Light," the detective barely breathed the words and the elderly man nodded knowing this fact. The two remained quiet till Matsuda said something rather pointless.

88

The adoption was finalized and Light would be staying with Watari while the old man made sure everything was ready for the boy at the House. The boy was quiet during the car ride, just staring blankly out the backseat window.

"So Light-kun…are you hungry?" the elderly man asked awkwardly, hopefully L wouldn't be too angry with him. The boy's empty gaze turned to the man as he nodded. The boy turned to look out the window lost in thought.

_Two teenage boys laughed quietly sitting on a bed. A black notebook with white writing on the cover lay between them. A sheet of paper rested on one of the boys' leg while the owner of said leg quickly wrote something down on it. One of the boys spoke quickly and low, his voice filled with excitement. _

_"I can't believe it works…T-This is amazing! You said it just fell from the sky! Who would want to loose this!" the teen exclaimed and looked at his friend who stilled his pencil and looked up at his friend smiling._

_"Yes…I-I was hesitant to call you, but I knew you'd get a kick out of this," the male continued smiling at his friend; he was slimmer than his friend and looked feminine by comparison. "I'm shocked you used it, though not at all disappointed. If you hadn't grabbed that pen when you did I would have written that…scum's…name down," the boy smirked as he recalled the incident. _

_"Well one of us had to," the male casually stated, smirking at his friend, subtly looking over his friend's body and face. The teen looked down at the notebook before his stare became noticeable to the very observant teen writing down what they had discovered and started to plan. "So…" the teen began trying to lose a pleasing image of his friend, in a very submissive position, from his mind. "What have we discovered so far…?" the teen smirked as he succeeded in ignore the very welcomed image. _

_"Well…" the friend started looking down at the paper he had been writing on. "The note can kill anyone as long as we know the face and name of the person, we also know that it takes forty seconds for the death to occur, and that unless the death is specified the person will die of a heart attack. Though those were the given, from the experiments we recently conducted we understand that we can set the time of death, so that during school we can kill criminals while leaving the note at home. We also can tear a page or section of the note out and it will still have the proper effect. We can make a whole scenario happen as long as it's plausible. Remember that inmate you wrote would die in Paris…?" the other teen nodded to his gorgeous friend's question and the two smirked. The man had died of a heart attack because he was not able to get to Paris, nor could he do it before the time they set for his death._

_"Perfect," the male smiled at his friend, "So Raito-kun, anymore plots of where we can take this thing?" the male continued to smile at his friend successfully keeping his mind from wondering to visions of Raito on his bed beneath him. _

_"Of course! I am a genius after all…" Raito spoke with an air of superiority, which -unbeknownst to Raito- caused his friend to grind his teeth. __**He**__ was the superior one, the dominate one, __**he**__ ruled over Raito, and Raito should be beneath him begging for him to… The male stopped his train of thought catching his friend's words "We've already stated that the criminals and people we want other's to know we killed, will die of heart attacks; we also will be using my amazing hacking skills to get information from the police, when they involve themselves. We will be attempting what no one else has, right…?" the male looked up at his friend. _

_He hadn't been so thrilled about this, yes it was an escape from boredom but…but it seemed wrong. Yes Raito thought criminals and those that do immoral things should die, should be punished, yet… His friend was pushing him to come up with these elaborate plans, out of no where. Raito bit his bottom lip refraining from sighing. Of course the police would involve themselves, then he would be against his father, and…it made him uneasy. Did his friend have the same thing in mind as him, would there come a point where his father's life would be risked, his family's lives…? He shuddered slightly at the thought._

_The other male noticed Raito's shuddered and could barely contain the lust from showing on his features. "So…" the male brought his friend out of his thoughts and sighed at his missed opportunity; he could have gotten to taste Raito while he was lost in his thoughts. "Raito-kun, what were you saying about finding people to work for us?" _

_"Right…well, with all the criminals dying we're bound to obtain supporters, and we're bound to have someone love us right off the bat. We'll get them to do our will, perhaps even let them use the Note, let them have a few pages… We'll also probably need a few more people who share our views, and maybe someone consistent. It will all work, we'll also probably have a spokesperson once we become more popular," the male looked down at the black notebook losing himself in his thoughts._

_How could something so simple be able to kill, a notebook could kill people…it was unfathomable. There had to be some kind of being who owned the note before them. A Shinigami, perhaps…it sounds so ridiculous. Well he and his friend were going to change the world, and for the better, no matter how forced into it he felt, Raito would be changing the world for the better!_

_"You'll be holding on to the notebook, I'll take a couple pages for now. Find a way to hide it and keep it safe, okay?" the male nodded to what his friend had said as the friend got up to leave taking a few pages out of the notebook and handing the black note over to the slimmer teen, he made his leave._

88

**_A/N:_** So…did I get anyone hooked? I'm sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors, it's my entire fault, but I suck at catching errors if I'm familiar to it; plus my thinking can be a bit frantic. Please note how I'm writing the flashbacks…and I'll keep correcting ch 1 -or two if you think that way-; and I'll add it in a month or so -soccer conditioning, music, and school takes up a ton of time-. Please give any feedback you might have, just no cussing I trust everyone who reviews to follow that. But yeah, feel free to review, say you hate or love –if negative give me something to work on- or even give some CC. Take care and enjoy the turn in the seasons! - depressedchildren


	2. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own deathnote,I could never come up with that plot.

**_Better Summary & WARNINGS:_** "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,** character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one**.

**_A/N:_** sorry this was posted up later than ended but I've been really busy with school and sports. Here is the next chapter though, so I hope you enjoy it! - depressedchildren

The young boy entered the hotel holding onto the elderly man's hand, his slim small fingers barely touching the man's wrinkled fingers. The child looked lost, in his slightly big shirt and khaki shorts, next to the elderly man wearing a suit. The child's beautiful face looked emotionless, dead. The odd pair began their trek to the hotel room where the investigation team was working.

"S-so Light-kun, what would you like to eat?" the elderly man asked hesitantly as they walked down the hallway the room was located on. The boy just looked straight ahead not really paying attention. The elderly man's posture slumped as he sighed in defeat. Some one truly messed the boy up, how could such a child, such a beautiful boy, be so…dead. They came to the room and Watari entered with the young boy at his side.

Everyone wasn't working, except for L, meaning that they were grieving over Yagami-san's loss or they were at a dead end. The elderly man tried to hide the boy from the team's view, but he was sadly unsuccessful. Matsuda excused himself before the child could see how his appearance affected the man. Yagami Soichiro was frozen in …fear…sadness…? The elderly man could not tell. The rest of the team blanched and the only sound was L typing at his computer not paying attention to his surroundings.

The boy dropped his arm from the loose hold, and walked over to the frozen man and tilted his head to one side, a frown gracing his features; yet the dull look in his eyes never left. The boy's frown deepened, but he spread his arms in front of him; as if to ask for a hug. The numb man jerked slightly, but the boy managed to awkwardly hug the depressed man. Hesitantly the man returned the hug, before he clutched to the boy sobbing, saying apologies to he dead son, and asking why Raito had to be taken from him. The brown haired boy just let detective cry holding Light like he might have held his son.

L would have been quite the idiot, or completely unobservant –which he was neither of those things– to not have seen what was happening to the investigation team. He stopped his typing to analyze what exactly was going on. The same child from the alley, Light, was in Yagami Soichiro's arms as the man cried over his lost child. The young boy with an uncanny resemblance to said lost child just let the man soak his shirt. Watari looked guilty and stood awkwardly at the doorway.

"Watari…why is Light-kun here?" the team tensed at the boy's name.

"Remember you wanted another child as a possible successor, well the adoption agency found the perfect candidate. He is rather intelligent, despite his lack of words…" the man faltered as Yagami-san's sobs grew louder. It was some time before the man had control over his emotions. The boy gave the man a squeeze, even though it wasn't much, before he let go and walked over to Watari with a blank look.

L walked over to the silent old man and stood before the boy scratching one of his bare feet with his other foot. He knelt down to Light's level, and looked the boy squarely in the eye with his wide eyes.

"Light-kun, how old are you?" the boy cocked his head to one side and bit his lip. Something flashed in the boy's doe brown eyes; something beside the dullness. Was it fear…no…worry…maybe…hate…? No it was not hate, the detective couldn't put a name to that solitary emotion that swept through the Raito look-a-like. The boy hesitantly lifted his small hand, silently announcing that he was five. The pale detective nodded and stared intently at the gorgeous child. "And…do you know how to speak?" the boy hesitantly nodded. "Can you tell me your favorite letter?" the boy's eyes flashed with…amusement…? Did the pale man interpret that correctly?

Light raised his right hand making a right angle, which to L looked like an L. The child tried to hide the smile that attempted to force its way onto the boy's perfect features. The team stared at the boy once they got a good look of what Light did. Matsuda thought he finally had enough control to leave the bathroom, and witnessed what the boy did and also stared at the boy. Could this be a coincidence? The detective kept calm and continued with his next question.

"What about your favorite word?" the boy pursed his lips, like he was thinking over something very hard. L noticed the act and _almost_ smiled, almost being the key word.

The boy pretended to be happy as he pointed at L, Yagami-san, and the rest of the investigation team. The detective raised an eyebrow, and put his thumb to his lips.

"I see, so you don't like speaking…well Light-kun, that will make understanding you difficult. What did you mean, we are all men, is that your favorite word?" the boy's body jerked as if he was about to laugh but stopped the noise from coming. Light was quite amused and his eyes slightly showed it. The boy shook his head. "Hmm…Light-kun can you say the word?" the boy nodded and L waited patiently while silence consumed the room. "Aren't you going to say the word?" the boy shook his head, the corners of his lips twitched slightly. L was very amused, yet exasperated. Why did the boy have to act like this? The detective sighed, figuring they had wasted enough time.

"How long is Light-kun going to stay with us?" L asked Watari quietly while still staring at the peculiar child.

"Until the House has everything prepared for a new resident," the elderly man looked at the boy who looked blankly at the ground. L nodded and told Watari to make sure Light got something to eat and had a place to sleep. From there things progressed slowly, ever so slowly.

Very little progress had been made in the case for the next few weeks until L could no longer come up with anything to keep the case moving forward. The detective had been watching Watari's temporary charge. The House seemed to be taking a long time to get things ready for the Raito look-a-like; but this gave the pale man time to observe the beautiful child. It only took a few days for Light to adjust to the climate. After that he stayed mostly out of the way. He often just sat in a corner, or on his bed staring out into space; every once in a while showing some sign of life by a quiet sigh. Light never spoke, no mater how much they all tried to coax a sound out of him. The team had only recently gotten over the boy's resemblance yet still it hurt to see the lifeless like child.

It was the day that Matsuda slammed his hands against the coffee table (they were situated around) yelling about the pointlessness of this case, that Light started living. He turned to the man and titled his head, a sad smile on his cute lips. The boy walked over to Matsuda and squeezed the man's hand, and gave the team an encouraging look. It was astounding how his look could be the equivalent of the most encouraging speech in the history of the world, and he was only five! L's mouth twitched into a smile as he looked down at the child. It was right then that news of Kira came to them.

"It's Kira…" L trailed off after he looked at who had died, and how it had happened. The boy held up two fingers smiling happily, and L's wide eyes widened further. "Hmm…Light-chan," funny how easy it was for the detective to call the boy Light-chan, it did seem more fitting than Light-kun after all, "do you think there is more than one Kira?" the boy nodded adamantly and L smiled nodding. "Yes, that was my thoughts exactly, after all Kira needs both a name and face to kill, this person couldn't have possibly had all those victims' names; besides this stunt seems to have tarnished Kira's reputation. Therefore, that must mean that there is another Kira, very good Light-chan I'm glad someone agrees with me," The team smiled, things may just look up for them after all. Watari was smiling proud of the child. L turned to him smirking, "Tell the House we'll be keeping onto Light-chan for a while longer, alright?" How fond the odd detective became to the brilliant child, though everyone in the room knew something was off about the boy, but what?

88

_A slim slightly feminine looking teen fell from his computer chair staring at a hideous, crude looking being. The teen took a shaky breath, making his expression blank. "You must be the owner, the shinigami of the note," the light brown haired teen stated emotionlessly. The being gave an annoying laugh as his smiling face looked the teen up and down. _

_"No you are, Yagami Raito, but yes, I was the shinigami who dropped the note into the human world," Raito closed his eyes, he knew he was suppose to act like Kira, he knew what he had to say when the shinigami came. _

_"So what now…are you going to kill me?" again the hunched being laughed._

_"Kukukukuku…no of course not."_

_The teen hesitated, how he hated acting like the killer he was pressured to create. "Well then, is there anything I should know about Death Note?" the beautiful teen braced himself for what the shinigami was to say. The shinigami explained then, he explained all he knew, the deal with the eyes, and the benefits for shinigami who kill using the note. The teen nodded, forcing himself to smile._

_"Will you be following me; I'm quite boring, school, homework, school…" again the shinigami laughed that annoying laugh._

_"Kukukukuku, of course, it's half the fun." Raito scowled at the annoying creatures words. _

_"Well then, Shinigami-san, tell me about yourself," the teen's face became expressionless his words disinterested._

_"My name is Ryuk," the shinigami picked up an apple from a bowl in Raito's room –his mother left it as snacks for him- and bit into the deep red fruit. "Mmmm! These apples are very good!" with two more bites the apple disappeared into Ryuk's very wide and big mouth. This gave the teen an idea. _

_"Listen, Ryuk, if you like those apples so much you can have them, I'll buy lots of apples…" the teen knew he had the shinigami's attention, "if…" the teen smirked seeing the crude creature's face fall, except for his ever present smile. "…if you don't follow me, okay?" Ryuk shook his head but agreed. _

_"But can't I follow you on some days?" the brown haired teen sighed but nodded reluctantly. "Where should I be when I do not follow you?" the teen tilted his head to one side. _

_"Here I suppose…though you won't see me writing much in the note, but I assure you criminals will be dying." Ryuk laughed, of course he knew about the other who was doing this with Light; but this teen was so reluctant, plus the note was in his room. _

_"You and your friend have everything planned yes?" the teen's eye twitched but he nodded. "So why will you not let me follow you?" the teen sighed and closed his eyes. _

_"I'd like __**some**__ kind of privacy. Besides you'd talk me to death if you went to school with me… It's obvious you like to talk, and with the extra boredom I can see your mouth running a mile a minute," the shinigami grumbled something and hovered over to the teen's bed where he laid down. _

_Raito sighed, he didn't like this, it was…__**wrong**__, he'd hint that he wanted out, and would promise not to tell a soul. Hopefully it would work. The brown haired boy went to his computer chair and leaned back in it, planning what they would do in their steps to become god. __**God**__…__**them**__…the teen shuddered slightly, it sounded wrong, it left a bad taste in his mouth, it __**felt**__ wrong… The teen sighed closing his eyes; some good has to come out of this…_

88

Light began a new transition. He often woke up in the middle of the night and stand before L as he worked in front of a computer monitor. Once L could no longer ignore the child's 'I can't sleep' look, he would hesitantly pick the small kid up and set him on his lap. Light would smile and close his eyes while resting his head against L's arm. The detective would then have to type with one hand. Though eventually Light began to rest his head against the pale man's chest, which L accepted as he grew more fond of the boy. It was also interesting how the boy would aid them in the case, and how close he stayed to L.

They had evidence supporting their suspicion, and this new Kira sent out a broadcast which they were now trying to figure out how to respond to while looking after Light. Light would help out with the case by messing with L's computer, which they tried to prevent, but it always gave the man an idea. The five year old was…creative…yes, creative. Light was creative in the way he'd help lead L in the right direction. First it was the response to Kira II's broadcast. The boy had been typing 'random' words on a word document in a fine elegant font:

'_m k ra! The pureson ho sint in toes taps w s impureson ate. Thirst, I half snore wo ds fore impureson. Tif yor on me side n' whis bee spookspureson, 'll fore gave yo._

The document continued on like that and with much deciphering L realized this was the perfect response to Kira II, with a few minor tweaks here and there. He then began to watch the child _much _more closely.

Another way Light helped them was by pulling up random definitions of words or pictures of random things on L's computer. Everyone always seemed to fit with the investigation - if you tilted your head and squinted just right – he helped them three times in this way. One of the instances was when he pulled up a picture of two friends talking together. The second instance he pulled up the definitions of 'lust' and 'dominance', and the final instance was a picture of a notebook in one of the windows and a picture of the grim reaper in the window next to the picture. Yes the boy was quite creative, but it got the man going. Two friends…could they be Kira, could it be two friends working as one to get rid of all the criminals? Yes that is plausible, but then the definitions of 'lust' and 'dominance'…what could they mean. The man was at a loss, he couldn't be sure what those two words meant, why did Light pull that up? The last thing Light had done on L's laptop was the reaper and the notebook. What on earth could that mean? It must have something to do with Kira, of course, but then how could a five year old know something like that…

Watari agreed with L about Light, something was off; but he also said L was working too hard and that he needed a break. L disagreed but made a deal with Watari that once the new investigation building was finished he would take a day, or half of a day, away from the case. It was doubtful he'd follow through though.

It took a short time for Kira II to respond to their broadcast, and what he said shocked them. "Shinigami!" L fell off his chair his mouth wide, Light was holding onto L just to make sure the man didn't hurt himself. "Does this mean Shinigami exist?!" the pale detective cried, barely registering that the child was holding onto him. "Watari give me the diary entry!" he looked over the paper; it was obvious he was supposed to focus everything on Tokyo dome, but the 'notes' part caught him. He looked at Light and smiled. He picked the boy up and hugged him. "You are good luck!" the boy smiled cutely and looked slightly embarrassed. This was perfect, after all the notebook…notes.

The wheels were set in motion and the team was going to send Matsuda with Sayu and her friends to the place the Kiras would meet. Light snuck out with Matsuda, which frightened L and Watari, since they were supposed to be in charge of the boy. Matsuda was stuck with the little kid, but he didn't mind, the kid was really cute and wasn't a pain. They were walking past a café like place when Light tilted his head and stopped walking. Matsuda looked down at the boy and noticed that he wanted to go inside the building.

"It's alright Matsuda, just go in," L's drone was heard through his earpiece. The two entered the building and they ordered some drink, Light hid behind Matsuda's leg for some reason. Yagami-san noticed something through the surveillance. L turned to the man and looked at him expectantly.

"The male sitting across from the girl with glasses…he was Raito's friend…I never liked him. He'd always look at Raito like…" the man shuddered and shook his head. Something tugged at the edge of L's mind; he got the name of the friend and smiled softly. Light was a genius, and everything he did _wasn't_ just an accident like the kid wanted him to think.

They watched the friend of Raito's from afar, and also commented that the decent looking male now had a model for a girlfriend, Amane Misa. Light shied away from the work then, he seemed…scared. L sighed and asked for Watari to take Light to a playground or something, perhaps playing outside would cheer the boy up.

The elderly man took longer than usually to reach the hotel room. He looked dreadful; Light shook his head and led the elderly man to one of the beds in the suite. L felt a tug on his lips and a chuckle pass through his lips. Light smiled at him and hurried off into the suite's kitchen. L got back to his work with more vigor than before. He knew what to do…he'd arrest both of them; they were to be accused of being the Kiras. L might just throw in that he accused the friend of raping and murdering Yagami Raito too. 1After all, Light's hints hadn't led them astray before.

Which reminded the detective…Light had been in the kitchen for a long time. The detective got up from his chair, and walked over to the room the small child was currently working in. The man couldn't help but laugh.

"What are you, super preschooler?" the chibi Raito jumped in shock and slipped off the chair he was standing on. L caught the boy and shook his head smiling. "You have to be careful, and you really shouldn't be cooking without adult supervision," the detective scolded the boy who pouted cutely. Light had flour on his hands and on the too-big-for-him apron. Light rested his head against L's chest and sighed contently. L opted not read into that gesture.

"What were you making…" the detective found his answer when he smelled the vaguely familiar smell of chicken broth. He raised an eyebrow looking down at the now smirking child. "So what is in the bowl?" he asked gesturing toward the small mixing bowl on the counter. Light squirmed as a way of saying 'put me down, please' which took the reluctant detective a second to follow. The boy smiled and climbed onto the chair again. He grabbed the mixing spoon and scooped some of the mixture out.

L looked at the teen with his wide eyes. Light chewed on his bottom lip and shrugged as if coming to some decision. "Cake," he breathed so quietly L thought he imagined the words being uttered. The voice was horrifyingly similar to the late Yagami Raito. The detective stared at the boy in disbelief, it wasn't possible, it wasn't! No…his voice just sounded like –L imagined- a young Raito.

Light hurriedly turned away and began to mix the batter for the cake. He found an aluminum circular pan and managed to pour the batter into it perfectly. He waved a flour coated hand in front of L's face till the man snapped out of his stupor. He pointed to the pan and then the stove; the man dazedly put the pan in the oven. L then received flour courtesy of Light's hand. L looked at the boy who was now smirking. L continued to look at the boy till his face once again received the powdery substance.

As if the two were on the same brain wave, L chased after Light who jumped off of the chair. Light was smiling and a quiet laugh escaped his lips as he and the young detective ran through the small kitchen. The chair Light had been standing on fell to the ground with a clatter, which caused the investigation team to investigate the noise. L caught the five year old –having to resort to bringing the boy down to the ground-, and was now 'torturing' the poor child by tickling his sides. The boy squirmed and small fits of laughter escaped his small lips.

L felt merciful and stopped tickling the boy who now lay on his back. The boy stared up at L with his head tilted to the side and his chin raised slightly off the ground. His brown hair fell in his eyes slightly and a small smile graced his light pink lips. L was close to the boy mere inches from his face, he hadn't noticed how close he was before. There was a cough which caused L to turn his head and Light to pout –discreetly-.

The task force was staring at the detective and the child skeptically, and Watari was looking slightly disgusted. "Ryuuzaki…he's five," the detective got off of the boy like he was on fire and rubbed his face.

"It looked like…" the embarrassed man trailed off and shoved his hands into his pockets. Light laughed quietly a smirk playing across his face. The team nodded in response to L's unfinished question.

"You have some powder on your face," Matsuda stated the obvious, which earned him disbelieving looks.

L turned to Light as the boy got up to wash his hands, "No more throwing flour," the boy smirked triumphantly as he righted the chair and washed his hands. The task force chuckled and went back to their work. L also went back to his station after cleaning the flour off of him. Watari and Light stayed in the Suite's kitchen; the elderly man walked over to the pot that L had deciphered to hold chicken soup. The man lift the lid and smiled.

"Light-kun…did you make this?" the man asked, the boy nodded and pointed at the man. The man furrowed his wrinkly brow; "It's for me?" the boy nodded and scooted the chair over to the stove to stir the soup. "That's very kind, but you could have asked…" the man stopped speaking after realizing how idiotic that sounded since the boy wouldn't speak to anyone. "Where did you learn how to cook?" the boy pointed at a can to the side of the stove, but Watari knew that wasn't the case. "Of course…"

The can was expired, and he had thrown it away, but the elderly man noticed the very well hidden cans of chicken broth in a corner. He would check the cupboards and the small refrigerator for the ingredients he knew would be missing. Light gestured for a bowl, which the elderly man retrieved two, and the child poured them both some soup. Watari smiled and ruffled the boy's head.

"Thank you Light-kun," the boy nodded. Light was definitely going to be watched closely; after all Watari had a good felling something was amiss with the boy. The gods know how well L would do at observing the boy, especially if you took into consideration the scene he just saw between the two.

A/N:

- I'm sorry if I have misspelled names or places, words I can't do much about but blame myself. I'm not sure if I want Light going to Wammy House…but… he might…_after _something happens… well I hope you enjoyed this chapter…


	3. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own deathnote,I could never come up with that plot even in my most subdued dreams.

**_Better Summary & WARNINGS:_** "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,** character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one**.

**_A/N: _**I'm not very happy with this chapter, but really it's just one to get the story moving again. The next chapter will be much better, promise! As mentioned before I originally posted this fanfic at mediaminer put decided to post it up here because it's cool to get other people's oppinions. I hope you enjoy this crummy chapter, and I'll update sooner, promise! - much love, depressedchildren

Things continued to progress slowly; apparently you can't arrest someone or accuse someone for being a mass murderer without good solid evidence, same with accusing someone of rape. Yagami-san was completely with L on sending their prime suspect off, just because he was a creepy friend of Raito's but they needed evidence. Light being the genius he is tried to hide the fact he pulled up a university application which caused L to smile at him. "And here I thought you weren't going to help us anymore," Light laughed silently and shook his head. The boy still seemed very wary of the case, terrified of their main suspect.

L passed the entrance exams with ease, and even made eye contact with their suspect the first day of school. Several weeks had passed; L and their suspect had formed a "friendship". It was around this time that Light snuck to the university with L, which resulted with L carrying him everywhere earning coos from all the women. The detective sighed when yet another girl asked if Light was his kid. Light took offense to this and pouted at the woman, who chuckled and pat the boy on the head. Light cutely tried to hid from all the attention by forming to L's slouch, and resting his head against the pale man's chest. L hugged the boy to help his attempt at hiding.

"Hmm…?" L felt the child freeze against his body, felt that he wasn't breathing. His small hands clutched to his shirt tightly. L nodded to the male that emerged from the crowd of women. The detective slightly tightened his hold on the kid. "Man, Ryuzaki-san, never would have thought you'd have a child," the detective new what that implied of course. After all, L did tell the man he was _**L**_. Obviously no one noticed that L and Light had no similar characteristics, perhaps they assumed he adopted the kid.

"Well, it's nice to see again Itou-san," it paid to have an apathetic voice, since really the only 'nice' image with this man would be him on Death Row. The crowd of women started to dissipate, but one female remained, Amane Misa. She smiled at the detective, and introduced her self. L put Light down before walking over and greeting the girl.

"It's nice to meet you Amane-san," L kept an eye on his main suspect while he greeted the 'blonde', and noted that there was an odd glint in his eyes when he looked at Light.

"Oh! Hisao-san, _that's_ Raito-san?" L quickly pick pocketed the girl of both her phones and turned to face his main suspect after shoving his hands with the cell phones in his pockets. They slipped up, but that wasn't enough to convict them…yet. L stared blankly at the fuming male before him. Light was now clutching to L's jeans, his jaw trembling.

"You told Amane-san about my charge, that's very interesting," Itou took the escape happily and nodded hesitantly. His angry eyes softened when the settled on Light. He crouched down in front of the kid giving a kind smile, Misa quickly said her goodbyes; she would be apprehended soon, very soon.

"So little guy, you're name's Raito? I used to have a…friend named that. We were very close," L refrained the sudden want to tear the man's hair out and or vomit. Light was glaring at him, while he mouthed three words. L was too busying trying to kill the man before him with an indifferent gaze to notice. 1Itou Hisao stood up quickly and rushed a good bye. After he was a few meters away he pulled out his cell phone and tried both of Misa's phones only to have L answer both. The detective turned to Hisao and smirked.

"Hello Itou-san, what's so important that you must call Amane-san?" L hung up the phone, and walked away with Light holding onto his hand tightly. All Hisao could think was how screwed he was, and how much he wanted that little kid after all…

_You killed me_

88

_Between the first day they obtained the Death Note and the day Ryuk arrived, Raito began to second guess. So Hisao was pushing him…Raito does what he's told to do…he's a good bitch, but of course these thoughts could__** never**__ reach the arrogant weakling's ears. After all, Raito couldn't be anyone's __**bitch**__…right? He would be Hisao's soon enough; he would be Hisao's uke, lover, planner. There was no doubt that Raito was the smarter of the two; the more organized, logical, and strategic, but he was more feminine and fragile looking. Hisao would have Raito at all costs; after all a God needs a 'Goddess'. _

_Raito acted so into the idea of becoming a god before, but now…he was backing out, how could that be possible, oh yeah, he'll be quiet. Bah! As soon as his family gets in danger he'll blab, and if he backs out Hisao will be thrown to the dogs! He can't defend himself from __**L**__. And of course Raito had to keep bringing up that he wanted to get out, especially after news of L working on the case. It was Hisao's fault that the Taylor man died and L learned where Kira was. See…L could easily win if Hisao had done all the planning. He needs Raito…not his body, since that is a want, but his __**mind**__. Like hell Raito could get out. _

_Raito managed to slip that annoying FBI man, Raye Penbar, and met up with Hisao. "I want out! I'm serious, I won't tell anyone!" the male slammed the slimmer one against the wall of some building._

_"No you won't, unlike you I have the guts to use it; and I can easily use it on your __**family**__, so you're going to stay in this, do you understand me?!" Raito grew pale, his lips were pulled into a tight line. Hisao pushed Raito against the wall more and sneered. "You can't get out, I'm not going to let you," his voice was low and husky as he spoke directly to the pinned teen's ear. This power of Raito was intoxicating. "Now be a good boy, okay?" He turned his head and licked Raito's cheek smirking when the teen shuddered. "We should be this close more often," he turned his back on Raito who slid to the ground shaking. _

_"B-bastard," he muttered, glaring up at the sky while viciously rubbing at his cheek. Gods he was happy Ryuk hadn't been there to see that, lord knows what he'd say. Raito shakily got up; he was angry at Hisao, he was angry at the Death Note, and most of all he was angry at himself for showing such weakness. What if Hisao never existed? What if Raito had been the sole creator of Kira, or better yet, what if Death Note and Kira never existed. 'What ifs' are pointless wastes of time, but Raito still allowed such a waste. _

_Penbar caught up with him again, but Raito didn't really notice since he was so caught up in his wonderings. He knew the answer to several of those 'What ifs', but considering what has happened to him as of late his answer may be completely different than the possible reality. If Hisao never existed and he was the sole finder and user of the Death Note…it made his stomach lurch, the thought of killing, of becoming something he should never become. But it was very possible he would have thrown it aside as soon as he found out what it did, but at the back of his mind he came up with an answer that made him pale. He was alone in his room as he faced the drawer that held the damned note. He knew in the back of his mind that he would have used it; he would have strived for the position of god. He turned off his lights and collapsed onto his bed, all color drained from his face. He could have been a monster bent on purging the world of evil and there in contaminating himself. Raito closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep._

_The plan was simple, Hisao wrote down the scenario but Raito had to do all the acting. He had planned on calling up some random girl but Hisao had a tantrum about that, so Raito complied with his wishes. It was a "date" between him and Hisao, just an outing to some amusement park. Hopefully his stalker would see it as two friends just hanging out, which it was…in a sense; the real motive was to figure out his name, but still they were friends hanging out. Raito sighed as they waited for the bus._

_"Come on Yagami-kun, cheer up just because you find amusement parks overrated," Raito cut his friend off shaking his head._

_"They're not overrated, Itou-kun, just pointless; but they're your favorite and I promised to hang out with you," he reasoned back, this might have been a bit of improv but not everything in life can be scripted._

_"Thanks for making it sound like an obligation," Hisao bit back rolling his eyes. "Listen, I'm sure there will be some girls you can woo, so lighten up. You need a break from all the studying, I think I can already see some grey poking through your dye job," he snickered as Raito glared at him._

_"You know as well as I do this is my natural hair color!" he took a deep sigh after remembering they were in public and that the buss had arrived. "Besides…I don't study __**that**__ much. Unlike you I want to get into a great college," Hisao shook his head smirking._

_"Uh-huh, we all know what that really means," he pulled out the 'all' so it lasted three seconds longer than it should have. Raito quirked an eyebrow at his friend as the buss started to move. "You're just trying to find another way to show off those brains of yours," Raito resisted the urge to roll his eyes and opted to look away._

_"Oh prey tell, what ways have I showed off?" Hisao scoffed, and pressed his body closer to Raito; so that his breath ghosted over Raito's neck, cheek, and ear. _

_"All perfect scores on tests, all advance classes, all first place academic awards, perfect speech in any language you know, and the fact that you seem to know the answer to any question," He leaned back against the window with a triumphant smirk when he saw Raito involuntarily shuddering._

_"I-I…languages I have difficulty with, Russian is a pain; and besides I don't know every answer to every question," his friend chuckled._

_"Oh but you do, what is the meaning of life?" Ryuk who had been following them was now cracking up and the man tailing Raito was shaking his head at their antics._

_"Meaning of life…? Orange? Is this a joke question or a serious one?" the buss had already come to its next stop and pandemonium struck. The two looked at each other when the drug addict that had hopped onto the buss began to threaten them. Raito quickly scribbled something on a plan piece of paper, and of course the man tailing them read what he had written. Through hushed voices he explained that he was of the FBI, Raito didn't believe him, so the man had to show his ID. Raye Penbar…we've got you._

_The next few seconds passed by in a flurry, a crumpled piece of Death Note fell out of Raito's pocket and the addict/criminal picked up the paper. He looked up at Ryuk who was bent over with laughter and started to step toward the druggie. The man shot at Ryuk but of course his bullets didn't hit. Once he was out of bullets he ran out into the street and was hit by a car. The two teens stared blankly as Raye Penbar quickly fled from the scene, but Raito came to and grabbed the piece of Death Note the dead criminal had dropped when he tried to shoot at Ryuk. Ryuk was cackling all the way home._

88

"Light, you must explain now," L finally was alone with the little child and was prepared to drill out his answers. "Misa's Kira two which means she knows our true names and, I know you can speak so don't keep quiet. No one's here, I've turned off all the video cameras and other bugs. So spill, now," Light winced and took a shaky breath.

"L…I-I…I can't explain," his jaw was trembling and tears were forming in his doe brown eyes. "L…I'm scared, please don't force me to talk," L's hard stare softened and he slumped onto the bed. Light pulled himself up on it and just stared at the man. L ran a hand through his hair and stared at Light once more.

"Light-chan…" he hadn't planned on saying anything more so he pulled the boy into his arms. Light hesitantly wrapped his arms around L, but when the detective tightened his hold, the boy quickly melded into the man's body. L bent his head down burying his face into Light's soft brown hair; Light gave a content sigh and snuggled closer to L.

"L…you are such an amazing person," the boy mumbled against L's chest, his eyes closed as he lived in the warmth and protection the man provided. L was taken aback, but marked the statement as Light being a child and being impressionable.

"And you are genius, Light-chan," there had be a terribly long pause, a silence that was made awkward by L's response. Light shook his head and sighed.

"L…" the boy had pulled away so he could face the detective but his words were lost when he tried to speak, and a blush crept onto his face. Light sighed and pulled away completely from the detective. L wouldn't let him leave his arms though, something in the back of his mind was yelling at him to keep Light in his arms. And then the detective did the most unthinkable –in his mind-, the most immoral, and yet the…perfect action he could have ever made in his life. He pressed his lips against Lights soft, small, perfect lips; L's lips tingled and his back straightened. Light gasped but quickly smiled against L's sweet pale lips, and continued to smile even after L pulled away.

"Thank you, please…again?" Light was blushing brightly, his lips stretched into a beautiful smile. L blinked a few times before jumping off the bed and racing out of the room. He ran to a bathroom located in the suite, and began to bang his head against the mirror.

It had only been a kiss…a strictly lips meeting for at most two seconds, but it was with someone TWENTY-ONE years younger than him! Fucking hell, the kid was in preschool! L leaned against the sink counter staring at the ceiling when his phone went off. He picked it up in his usual manner and answered, slightly surprised that his voice sounded normal.

"I think I might be Kira."

A/N: okay I've updated, yay!... Yes I realize a peck on the lips isn't much but…I don't like rushing things that much…plus if you remembered that the person was five while you're twenty-six? and it wasn't meant to be brotherly or parentally…

1 Itou Hisao, I had to look up names, because I suck at coming up with them, so I'm sorry if it's really lame.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though it was crummy - much love, depressedchildren


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own deathnote,I could never come up with that plot even in my most subdued dreams

_**Disclaimer:**_ if I owned Death Note, it would be Yaoi w/ Raito being uke and L being his seme, and some seriously messed up psychological things happening to Raito (more than the megalomaniac thing)

_**Better Summary & WARNINGS:**_ "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,** character death, fill in the blank rape scene, violence, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one**.

A/N: There is some language in it, and the scenes leading up to Raito's death. Sorry for not updating sooner, I wrote it last week but didn't have time to edit it before going out of town and there was no internet. I was kind of shocked when I got back and saw all the reviews all of you made, it helps me know how I'm doing so thank you all those who reviewed! You'll just have to see about the whole pediphile issue, but just try to stay open minded as you read, okay? And I hope you enjoy the update. -much love, depressedchildren

88

_**Please…I just want to get out of this**_

_"Raito!" pain surged from his shoulder as his 'friend' grabbed his shoulder. The male was gritting his teeth. "Don't you dare fucking do it!" Raito swatted away the hand holding his shoulder and turned away from the male._

_"I'm not going to standby and let this happen! I refuse to be a coward," the teen started to stalk away when he was halted by his friends desperate threat. _

_"I'll kill them, I'll fucking kill your family!" Raito closed his eyes as he turned to face the horrible mess before him. He opened his eyes slowly and shook his head at the sight before him._

_"You know what Hisao-san, you're pathetic. I'm not going to let you kill innocents; I'm not going to sit by while you take advantage of my mind. I'm not going to be responsible for anymore deaths, so threaten my family all you want. I know you wouldn't do that; after all…I'd __**never**__ forgive. If L's willing to put up camera's in my room than-"_

_"Don't do this Raito. You're committing suicide!" Hisao started to stalk up to his friend who had turned around and started on his way to the police station._

_"Then so be it, but I'm stopping a monster like you from killing more people," the teen behind him growled and viciously grabbed the teen's shoulders and whirled him around. _

_"I'm a monster?! What about you, if I'm the monster than you're the creator!" the teen flinched as Hisao's nails dug into his shoulders. "And- And why the hell would I care if you 'never forgive' me?!"_

_"You want me right, if I never forgive you then you can't have me," the teen growled shoved the teen against the nearest wall. _

_"Like I fucking care about that!" he mashed his lips against Raito's. Raito's eyes were wide and his heart started to beat rapidly inside his chest. Fear inched through his body, practically suffocating him. _

_He started to push against Hisao's chest and once that was proven fruitless he started to claw at the body before him. The teen grabbed Raito's hands and pinned them above his head. His free hand started to lift up Raito's shirt. _

_"I'm not going to toy with the unrequited shit any longer, and you're not going to use it your advantage. Though I'm shocked you finally figured it out, you've been far too oblivious! You know what?! I'm going to have you, I'm going to fuck you, and you're going to enjoy it." Hisao smashed his lips against Raito's again until he felt the wind be knocked out of him. Raito peeled himself off the building and started to run in the general direction of the police station. The adrenalin finally kicked in and he had been able to get away from Hisao –if only for some time._

_He cried out in shock as Hisao tackled him from behind, he heard rustling and started to kick and struggle. He called out for help when he felt cloth covered hand cover his mouth. He feared to breath incase his friend was trying to drug him, but soon realized he was just wearing a glove. He did a double take and again started to struggle. _

_He gasped when he felt the cool dusk air hit his torso and started to fight more. He started to hyperventilate as he felt the rest of his clothes being stripped from him. Lips met his neck, then his ear, then his jaw. Raito refused to cry but stubborn tears fell as he tried to take in breath. He heard more rustling and felt weight being lifted off his body. He took the opportunity and ran away. He stumbled as he continued to try to breathe. His chest was pounding and he felt light headed. _

_Then pain erupted from his forehead and he felt blood trickle down his face. He blearily saw the ground rushing up to meet him and felt blow after blow hit his haggard body. His thighs were grabbed tightly and his legs were spread apart. He couldn't see anymore since blackness started to take over his sight. He felt pain rip through his body like something was being dragged through his body. He barely stayed conscious but wished he was unconscious. He tried to yell but with no oxygen in his lungs he was unable to. He just prayed for it to be over soon._

_Once it was over he remained on the ground, in some dirty alley filled with glass, his blood filing the place. He darkly wondered why no one noticed this sight, or heard him. After all this was a well populated place, surely someone must have witnessed. But that would be horrible…he slowly managed to get up but fell back to the ground. Blood was seeping from him, and his head was so light. He looked at his bag which he dropped when he punched Hisao. _

_How did it manage to get over here? His jaw tensed…Hisao took the Death Note from it. He didn't care anymore; he knew his end must be coming soon. He started to walk away from the disgusting scene. He didn't know where he was going but he ended up at a channel, where he collapsed, his body too…too injured to go further. He ended up in the water but he knew his life was over by then. He could hear Ryuk sighing, had the shinigami…did Ryuk see what happened? It didn't really mater, he accepted death; but his regret was the Death Note still being out there. That Hisao couldn't be stopped. All connection was eliminated…how could they catch him now?_

_"I'm serious Hisao-san! I want out, here, here's the damned thing!" he shoved the simple black notebook into Hisao's hands and started to turn away. _

_"Does that mean you're giving up possession of Death Note, Raito?"_

_"No he isn't Ryuk, get back here Raito!" he shoved the notebook back into Raito's hand and that was the end of that discussion._

_He was hesitating, but who wouldn't his family was in danger here…but could he let more people be judged so incorrectly, so unjustly. He had Death Note in his bag…he could easily turn it into the police. He ended up at his house and knew it was bugged. He remained calm and left the house shortly after. He had to go to the police, he had to turn in Death Note, he had to put a stop to it all!_

88

Itou Hisao came to the hotel room; he smiled to Light who was standing next to Watari as the college student was put into chains and prison clothes. Light held onto the elderly man's hand loosely and stared apathetically at Hisao. L stayed to watch how things played out and Light hesitantly came over to him. He pulled on the detective's sleeve, his face solemn. L furrowed his brow and watched as the child turned and walked away. As if he was saying 'follow me', he ordered Watari to watch Hisao as he followed Raito into the same room they had been in the previous day… He paused in the doorway and looked at Light.

"We…talk now," the child's voice was strained and reluctantly the detective closed the door behind him and he walked over to Light.

"Go," Raito looked down at his shoes and when he didn't speak L turned around to leave.

"I'm going to Wammy in a few days!" he blurted and the detective nodded already knowing this fact. "But what's more is…" the boy trailed off and looked down at his shoes hopefully. As if staring at them would give him the strength he needed to say whatever he was going to.

"Light-chan," L sighed and moved toward the child and then crouched down.

"L I'm not a little kid,"

"Of course you aren't," Light growled and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You don't need to patronize me!" the kid bit out and the detective looked at the child seriously.

"Really? Well why don't you tell me what you have to," Light sighed and closed his eyes. He rested his head against L's chest and breathed in his sent.

"I didn't think it would be you, I only thought of my father…" he mumbled and L felt very awkward.

"Light-chan…"

"I didn't think you'd be the one I'd choose to save," Light smiled brilliantly and L looked at him questioningly. "I think I can like you…I-I know I…I like you," he blushed slightly but looked L in the eyes. He couldn't resist, and the detective would berate himself later but he seemed to be unable to resist.

A kiss led to kisses, which led to biting and suck on the child's soft neck. Small hands groped to find purchase on the bony frame before him. A small groan came from the child and then L snapped out of it.

"Light-chan…this is wrong. I shouldn't be doing this to you."

"L…"

"I'm sorry Light-chan…" Light shook his head, and saw L get up to leave.

"But it isn't. I'm not five," he seemed calm, almost accepting but there was still some desperation in his voice.

"Light-chan, I shouldn't have-"

"I'm Yagami Raito, Itou Hisao killed me, and…" Light closed his doe brown eyes and took a deep breath, L understood what he was going to say '_raped me'_. "I was forced to make all these plans for him, so Kira wouldn't be caught. I tried to get out, and the day he…I was trying to get to the police station. I didn't care if it meant I would be killed for helping him, I just wanted Kira to come to an end. I was sickened by the thought of becoming a god, of being able to judge people where I had no right to say anything. I have no right to say who should and shouldn't die! L I'm Yagami Raito, and–"

"Light-chan, don't be ridiculous," L's eyes were wider than usual, but despite his words L's voice showed he thought differently. The detective felt numb, as he looked at Light who had tears falling from his eyes.

"L I'm not lying!" he cried tears falling faster from his innocent eyes.

"Then explain better," L told himself it was ludicrous, that this was impossible, but he was hopping it was true.

"Well…after I died I don't really remember much, but there were all these shinigami around me… Then there was something else, I don't know how to describe it. Though I remember one of the shinigami saying 'Here's your chance to get back at him take it'" Light's eyes were closed in concentration. "They showed… but that's beside the point." He shook his head, his brown hair moving with his head; he was struggling for the right words and picking out the useful information. "They told me I would get a second chance to live, but obviously not as I was before. They decided to give me the body of a five year old and told me I could save one person from death-"

"How do you know I'm going to die? I'm assuming when you said choose you meant to choose who will stay alive correct?" the child nodded after the interruption was stated.

"If I'm a five year old, no one will listen to me if I said I knew who Kira was. More than that is the fact that if I wanted to get Hisao I needed connections with someone in the investigation team. He'd kill me again should I confront him, and I don't think I could anyways," the boy looked away from L his small fists clenched. L could sense the child's annoyance, why was he annoyed? The child seemed to get over his inner turmoil but some of it remained in his voice. "I had originally intended on saving my father, but…" he gave a soft smile his face brightening while he looked L in the face.

"How do you know who's going to die," the child nodded and sighed.

"They showed me all the possibilities that could have occurred…" Light was solemn when he said this. "If…someone else found" Light stopped himself and gave a sheepish smile.

"Found what…?"

"In due time L…I shouldn't have said that…my bad," he laughed nervously and L looked at him with a dead expression. "I'm sorry; I'm not allowed to get specific, unless you already know what I'm trying to be specific about. It is part of the rules the shinigami gave me," L let the matter slid, "I'm just allowed to led you guys in the right direction," he looked down at his feet and the great detective gave a sigh. He still wasn't sure if he should trust the child but…

"Light-chan," he pulled the child into his arms and took a deep breath, preparing himself for the next thing he was about to do.

"L wait, hold your thought," the child pulled out of the man's chest and reached into his shirt. "Here, when you're about to die…" he gave the detective what he had been holding onto and explained all the man needed to know about it. Inside L was laughing hysterically, this all had to be some kind of elaborate and morbid joke. But his facial structures remained impassive as ever. He was preparing himself for what he was to say next.

"Light-chan, I thank you for all your worry but saying things like that will not help this situation. I can't believe what you're saying, it's obvious that you're trying to justify my actions; but they are unacceptable and your story is ridiculous. As much as you might say you're Yagami Raito, and that you've been given a second chance, I can tell that this just some hopeful dream of yours," Light's eyes widened and his shoulders slumped. Believing Light was the key here, to say he didn't…the detective knew it would devastate the child.

"I don't believe you," he said these words slowly, as if he was still formulating a conclusion. "Why…why would you say that," the child was shaking his head looking at L with a disbelieving look as he started to back away. "If you don't believe me than why do you still have it, are you just going to throw this opportunity away!?" the child turned around quickly and fled from the room, ending up in the bathroom. He held his tears in but they came out, he cursed himself for his weakness. Why didn't L see he was telling the truth?

L looked down at the object the child had handed him; he closed his eyes momentarily before looking at the bathroom door. He hung his head and clenched his fists. He slowly took in a ragged breath of air before exiting the room. He felt like crap but that needed to be done.

88

_He stared at all the deformed creatures around him, they laughed and sneered at him. He was bare to them; the ding of their cackles rocked his bones. The mere multitude of these death gods was overwhelming. But what was more overwhelming was the __**thing **__before him. He couldn't describe the bright mass though, it was something blinding, but at the same time he could clearly see what it was. Like a thousand rainbows caught inside a figure, but yet white light was still present, not scattered into rainbows. It seemed intangible, liquid, and even solid all at the same time. It seemed to shimmer and ghost about. An impossibly beautiful mass that could not be properly explained, one that hummed like electricity but was a quite as nature. _

_Raito's breath was taken from him, he felt cold yet hot at the same time, like the light emanating from the being was both warming and cooling. He shuddered and turned away from the being, the __**thing**__, as he heard a loud booming voice hush all the cackling shinigami._

_"Yagami Raito, come toward me, you must be confused." It was another shinigami but he must be some sort of ruler or why else would the other shinigami hush? "Well child, we've taken pity on you, actually Ryuk and all the other bored senseless shinigami have. We generally don't do this but…well you're a rare case, one we honestly don't know how to deal with. You see I've seen what could have happened; actually I've seen several possibilities," the shinigami turned the teen around and a screen appeared from the barren ground. He had been so distracted he hadn't noticed his other surroundings. _

_So this was the shinigami realm? No wonder Ryuk had ditched this place. He saw an image flicker past the screen. He saw himself picking up the Death Note, and then __**using**__ it. His stomach lurched as he saw how things would progress. His eyes were wide and he fell to his knees shaking his head as he saw the monster before him develop. He was willing to risk his father! His own father, he would have made him a killer, made him; he shuddered and felt bile rise in his throat. The only good from that scenario was his own death…the destruction of Kira._

_Who was that manipulative killer, who was that demon with his face? No that couldn't have been possible, but the voice in the back of his mind was screaming "I told you so! I told you!" To his relief the screen changed to how he knew things were going. His eyes widened, no this wasn't right. L would never catch Kira…He made all the possible escape routes Hisao needed, and there was no way anyone would think about his "friendship" with Hisao. It had always been him who did the acting. He was the one with Penbar at the subway; but essentially a gun was pointed at his family's heads -or a pen and paper._

_"Please don't let either of those happen," he cried as he clenched the dusty ground._

_"You have nothing to worry about, there's a third option," the shinigami smirked "It will follow more of the first option just __**you**__ won't be the one who is Kira. Are you willing to do this?" the teen looked up at the shinigami who seemed to rule over the desolate land and nodded confidently. He assuredly rose to his feet. _

_"Here's your chance to get back at him take it. Use it well," Raito looked at Ryuk who was among the crowd the teen nodded and was led toward the indescribable mass. _

_"Ryuk…why were they…" he gestured to the still cackling shinigami._

_"Because this is the most exciting thing they've seen in millennia, plus they're idiots and don't see the graveness of what happened to you," Raito looked away from the shinigami ashamed, "Though I guess that sort of makes me a hypocrite, but I still understand more than they do…about the severity I mean," the clown like shinigami elaborated. Raito gave his death glare to the shinigami, telling him to drop it, as he was herded toward the mass. But he knew the glare was weak and grimaced._

_"Yagami Raito, meet your new life," the shinigami then pushed the child into the mass. "We'll instruct you on the other side," the teen could hear the amusement in the ruler's voice. He could only dread what would happen next._

A/N: Okay, so there it is…I'm not sure how I feel about the flow, but…I can't think of how to change that at the moment. Um…I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, and I hope it explains more. – much love, depressedchildren


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own deathnote,I could never come up with that plot

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own deathnote,I could never come up with that plot.

_**Better Summary & WARNINGS:**_ "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,** character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one**.

_**A/N: **_Yo, I've finally updated and it's **kind of angst-ish**, okay. It's also sort of rushed a bit and I'm sorry, I tried to check it well but I more than likely missed things. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and there will more than likely be a time skip. This is definitely a different chapter compared to the previous chapters; since it's more from Raito's view. Um…also since all of you know Light is Raito I'm just gonna use Raito from now on, and if I didn't (except in dialogue or because it's from another person's perspective (sort of)…) I'm sorry. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and things will get a little happier okay? – much love, depressedchildren

88

It was quiet, and his driver seemed slightly worried. He smiled at the kid through the review mirror; he only hoped it looked reassuring. The child stared back at him before turning back to the window; his eyes were empty as the scenery passed by. He wasn't tired, though it may appear that way to most; he doubted he even slept since L said those things… _'L…'_ He sighed as he continued to stare blankly out of the window; he wasn't really taking in the lovely London view. He was trying to look deep in thought so the man wouldn't bother him, but really he wasn't doing anything. He let the buildings and winding streets fly past in a blur trying to keep from thinking about that one detective who hurt him so easily. He took a deep breath as they started to roll to a stop in front of a large brick wall. He got out and stood at the gate. The man caught himself, he was about to reach for his passengers luggage, when he remembered the boy didn't have any baggage.

"Well…Light was it?" he asked slowly in accented Japanese. The boy rolled his eyes and nodded. So the man continued on as he walked to the wrought iron gate. "This is Wammy, welcome, I must say we've heard a lot of good things about you from Watari-san," the boy looked at the man with a dead pan expression when he finished his half Japanese, half English sentence. Obviously the help wasn't as gifted as the residents. In the awkward silence that followed the man was able to get them into the perimeter. He continued to try and keep an awkward and one-sided conversation afloat.

Light/Raito looked around at the children playing, he shook his head as some started to scream and chase each other. Was this really a place for the gifted and possible successors of L? He winced at the thought of that peculiar pale detective. His jaw trembled and his eyes started to sting. He turned his head to the side to control his expression before being sent inside.

The other children and teens looked at him curiously but quickly lost interested and went back to their games. Raito sighed, how was he going to fit in here, how was he going to gain peace of mind? He was lead to an office where the man that drove him quickly fled. He looked at the man behind the desk and walked into the cozy looking room.

He smiled at Light over his hands which were tented in front of him. "So you are this Light we've heard so much about from Watari-san? Tell me, why do you choose not to speak?" Raito looked at the man incredulously. He sighed and rolled his head to onside then back to the other. He shrugged before fixing the man with an even stare.

"Because of the people involved in the Kira case, if you ask me to elaborate you will be sorely disappointed," the man blinked a few times at the mature sounding child's voice and nodded slowly. There was a loud bang and the door was thrown open. A…boy…with blonde straight chin length hair entered the room with a furious look on his face. Raito rolled his eyes and started to walk out of the room when the boy spoke.

If he had any doubt this person was a boy before, that was now decimated by his voice, "Where the hell is the little runt!?" the old man seemed used to this behavior and pointed casually at the little five year old heading for the angry blonde. He stared in disbelief while the child pushed past him out into the hallway. He heard a growl behind him and turned to face the charging blonde.

He just stood there as the boy grabbed the front of his big shirt and started to lift him up. The boy's doe eyes just stared back at the blonde with an emptiness that made the teen drop the child. Which was good since Raito started to slip out of his overly big shirt; there was a cough and a dull drone followed it.

"Mello, maybe you should refrain from harassing a new heir," a boy behind the blonde stated dulling, curling his hair around his finger. Light tilted his head to look beyond the furious 'Mello'. The boy had very pale hair and wore all white, he looked more like L than…Raito looked away from the boy his eyes closed as he started to walk aimlessly away from them.

He could do nothing now, he wasn't believed, and the person he knew he could love would die and never come back. He bit back a sob as he walked away from the office and those two teens. Why couldn't he be stronger, why didn't L believe him? His body started to shake and he started to run. Why couldn't he face the fact that L didn't believe him without breaking down? Why couldn't L see it was fine to love him? Why? WHY? He took a deep breath as he pushed forward more and more. He knew he'd get lost in this labyrinth of a House but he didn't care. He just kept running till he stumbled and fell in the middle of some random hallway.

He brought his legs to his chest before slowly getting up, his chest heaving. He numbly walked over to the wall and slumped against it. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his forehead against his knees. Was he really this helpless, this weak, this…this…this much of a wreck? He took shaky breath after shaky breath. He knew he liked L, he could feel his heart race at the thought of the man, he felt his body warm and his stomach flutter. He could still remember how L had kissed him, kissed his neck and made barely noticeable marks. His body tingled and he wondered why. Wasn't he five? But his body was reacting like he was a teenager, he shook his head and tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling.

He heard a growl and slowly rolled his head to look at the owner of the growl. It was that Mello person, Raito mused slightly that they needed to give him another nickname, he was nothing close to mellow. Raito could remember seeing him, and felt heat rise in his chest and red flash in his eyes. The bastard used the Death Note, or had his lackeys use it. He started to shake in anger, he threatened his sister! He was the cause of his father's death! Or he would, Raito reminded himself that fact and calmed reluctantly.

Mello seemed to have noticed his anger started to glare and get on the defensive. Though why would he when it was just a child getting angry at him? Raito looked at the teen thoughtfully, measuring his weaknesses and capabilities. What was his name again…Mihael Keehl…Michael Keehl…Keehler… Keehl…Mihael, Michael? Raito frowned; he should remember things like that better. After all the horrifying truth of what would have happened, had he been the sole user of Death Note, was still scorched into his mind.

"Mihael…Michael…" his frowned deepened and he saw the blonde stiffen.

"My name's Mello, runt, what's yours again…Light? Come on I'm supposed to show you to your stupid room," the boy took out a candy bar and started to chomp away at it ferociously. Light just sat there refusing to move. L like sweets…he like strawberry cake too. He couldn't count how many times he saw L eating that kind of cake, either during his stay with the detective or what he saw on the screen in the Shinigami realm. He looked away from the boy biting his lip.

An impatient foot began to tap and the annoyed Mello began to speaking again. "Come on you little runt!" he stalked toward Raito who snapped his head around to glare at him. The boy ignored the look and grabbed Raito's arm and started to drag him away from the hallway.

"I'm sure you realized this, but I can walk on my own," he spat out bitterly; perhaps once the hurt dulled away to a sting he wouldn't be so rude. Though his recovery time won't go any faster if he kept thinking about what made him feel this pain. He took a breath and locked his legs in an attempt to slow the one dragging him.

"Well why don't you walk then?" If only Raito wasn't being dragged like this, he could have been able to find ground and start walking. In the end he gave up and decided to wait for the teen to get tired. He may only be thirteen-eighteen kg (30-40 lbs), but that was thirteen-eighteen kg of dead weight! "Little kids like you aren't supposed to be up this late!" he huffed as he continued to drag the little kid, probably bruising his arm. Raito noted offhandedly that it was only seven in the evening.

"Really? L let me stay up till ten," he took satisfaction in the tightening of the grip on his arm, and the faint sound of teeth grinding together. He was willing to feel the pain of thinking of L if it pissed off this murderer. Vindication…in advanced.

"I can't believe a little thing like you can be seriously competing with Near and I?" Raito shrugged despite the pointlessness of the action, it wasn't like the other would see it. "What are you…like a midget nine year old?"

"I'm five," he stated offhandedly and felt the teen's hand shake. Mello was easily enraged. That was slightly gratifying. In the end after ten more minutes of receiving rug burn Raito was tossed into an immaculate white room. There was a little colored-pencil bed frame bed, with a matching table and chairs. He sighed and stared at the stiff starchy bed sheets. They were that blinding white that reeked of bleach. He stared at the solitary window, had all that time really passed? It was mid day when he got there and now it was coming on night. He sat down on the bed, it was stiff and hard. Like stone slab almost. He let his body sag and let his head hit the surprisingly comfortable pillow. He just stared at the blinding white ceiling. He slowly let his mind drift off to somewhere, but he didn't fall into unconsciousness.

There was a light knocking on his door but he didn't register this. After a few more knocks there was the soft click of the door opening. Soft footsteps padded across the room to the small child on the bed. A pale hand reached out to wake the boy who flickered his eyes to the hand before blinking and sitting up.

"You didn't sleep?" it was a statement, an observation, not in anyway a question. During the sleepless night of staring at the ceiling, Raito resigned himself to revert back to his silent ways. He shrugged as he sat up and closed his eyes. Was his job done now? They had the connection to Hisao now, Mello and Near could wrap things up now. His father would die, but would his sister be threatened? Probably his father was still in the Kira investigation force.

"You should sleep, otherwise your IQ tests may come out inaccurate and you might be sent back to a normal orphanage," Raito closed his eyes before staring at the teen who had come to wake him. He was Near, or Nate River; was that his real name? Raito frowned in thought, before shaking his head and shrugging. "I see Mello," he gestured toward the blossoming bruise on his forearm, choosing not to finish his sentence. Raito connected that that was why Near had come to pick him up. Of course there would be cameras in the halls, probably even in the rooms.

Near gestured to the door, and they left the room to enter the hallway. The odd pair walked silently through the halls; every now and then another resident would fly past them, and within the hour Raito knew where the dinning hall was and where the bathroom was. They were quiet and other than what Near had said earlier…no conversation was made.

Ratio could feel Near's eyes observing his every move and looking for all his flaws. He must also be irked that a five year old was threatening his position as a successor for the three greatest detectives' in the world. Though obviously he wasn't nearly as angered by Raito's appearance as Mello was, but still his calculating gaze was rather distressing. In the end Raito ended up sitting by Near as the teen worked on a puzzle. Raito idly looked around and fingered a puzzle piece. He let his mind wander, trying to stay clear of thinking of L.

_**"I'm not going to toy with the unrequited shit any longer…"**_ he dropped the little piece of cardboard and was frozen in place. He hadn't heard that voice in a long time, hadn't heard those words since before he was in company with L… _**"I'm going to have you, I'm going to fuck you, and you're going to enjoy it."**_He could feel those disgusting lips bruise his and his stomach dropped. Why was he remembering that now? Why? He didn't even remember the incident those times he saw Hisao…well actually when he was with Matsuda he had, but when he heard L's voice…

Raito calmly got up and started for one of the bathrooms, he could feel Hisao's clothed hands grabbing his thighs and he remembered the ripping pain that filled his entire being after those seconds. He picked up his pace to the bathroom as his mouth started to salivate showing that his nausea was growing. He slammed open the door and clutched one of the sinks in front of him. He rested his forehead against the porcelain basin which was level with his head. His tiny hands clutched the shining surface just above his brown tresses. He took in ragged breaths trying to calm his stomach and not think of what had happened to him…what his –what he thought was– best-friend did to him.

In the end his legs fell beneath him and his hands slide down to the drain pipe. His eyes were closed and his head was down between his arms. He still felt sick but the feel of cool metal relaxed him. He heard a door open and heard two sets of footsteps enter the bathroom. He turned around haggardly and regarded the two who entered.

"Come on runt it's time to prove your worth," Mello sneered and jerked his head to the bathroom door. Near's big eyes bore into Raito, as if trying to dissect what had caused him to act so strangely. Raito nodded and slowly let go of the sink and started to head toward the office. He could feel two pairs of curious eyes watching him leave, one with a bit of noticeable hate backed behind it.

Raito was sent to a room he never thought the House would have but he eagerly awaited the tests that would await him. He didn't care if he was going to act like a normal five year old or not; he'd pull all the stops to keep from thinking about…about what Hisao did. And surprisingly this method of distraction worked. He ate up the subtle IQ tests one generally gives children. Once it was proven he could do that he was given standardized tests, ones to test his basic knowledge. And after each aced test came another more complicated and harder one. Eventually he was sure he had received a college admittance exam; and again he scored perfect marks.

After these tests he was set out to solve logic problems, word problems, and even abstract problems. He was so energized by all of this, by testing his mind's capacitates. But what truly pleased him were his final tests: Playing chess against the other successors. He easily bested Mello, but he had to admit with the risky stunts he pulled Mello could have won if he put more thought behind his moves. Near however took a painfully long time to play. Nearly four hours passed and only half of the players were left on both sides. Within another three hours Raito was victorious. He smiled to himself…this simulated something he had seen before, and his smile slowly turned morbid.

With his tests at a close Raito got up and tugged on both Near and Mello's sleeves before pointing at the chessboard. Mello looked irritated and Near just looked at him with his usual blank expression. Near pulled up another chair next to the open opposing one; he began to play Raito as he patted the seat next to him. Mello groaned but reluctantly sat down. They started playing close to Raito's curfew but they kept playing. Mello would spontaneously take control of the board and start to make Raito sweat before Raito regained control with a few sacrifices. Near was an excellent opponent, but too careful. And around two in the morning Raito was finally bested, but it was horribly close. In the end they had taken all his pieces, it was the only way to get to Raito, and the only pieces left on their side was a bishop and the king.

Raito smiled and closed his eyes and gave a pleased smile. Mello was out long ago, but thanks to him Near was able to finish the game…nearly two hours later. "Oh you're still here?" the man who gave Raito his tests said obliviously as he looked up from his manila folder after entering the testing room. "You should have been in bed already," he shook his head, "you've had one restless night from these tests already," Raito just stared back at him silently which caused the man to become uncomfortable. He coughed and adjusted his tie.

Mello seemed to awaken by the cough and mumbled something dazedly in his wake. The man shifted before looking at Raito again, "I must say…I've haven't see results like this since L last took these, in fact you may have surpassed…" Raito couldn't help that his body sagged and his eyes were downcast at the mention of that man's alias; and due to his reaction the man trailed off. He felt his eyes sting and his throat burn but he with his lack of sleep he couldn't help but start to cry. He got up and walked away from the room and even shrugged off the man's hand as he tried to stop him.

Damn, why did he have to act so pathetic? He rubbed away his tears furiously and heard loud footfalls coming after him, couldn't they just leave him be? He started to run not really registering where he went. He knew he was an equal to L that was evident through that screen the Shinigami showed him…heck with a few backhanded cheating moves he was able to surpass L. He was greater than L…and with that thought he fell to the ground and started to gag. That monster on the screen –with his face, his voice– killed L, bested him and Raito just admitted that that was him? He couldn't move he was so sick, and he kept retching onto the nice hallway carpet.

He wasn't that monster, that monster merely took his identity in the presence of the Death Note. He had never used the note when he had his first life, he never had a thought of using it by himself but again…he knew he would have if Hisao hadn't been his friend. Hisao was his friend…was his murderer, his rapists. His whole body was shaking and those pointless 'what if's started to pop up again. What if the note never existed, would Hisao have still…still done that to him? Would he have wanted it, accepted it? What if L believed him, what if he loved him? Would L and he ever have met without the Death Note? Perhaps when they were older, when Raito was a well known detective and L needed police help on a case. Would they have bonded, would love have started?

Raito banged his tiny fists against the ground; he was such a fool, such an idiot. He knew those answers, Hisao probably would have raped him, probably wouldn't have the guts till they were going off to separate colleges… And all those hopes that L would love him, that he'd _believe_ Raito? It was disgustingly pathetic, the man clearly stated he didn't believe Raito…and that last possibility he had come up with… He would have laughed at himself had his tears not been choking. 'I_f we ever met, which the chances would be a __**billion**__ to one__**,**__ there would be no connection, no love; just straight up detached and untrusting business.'_

He couldn't seem to get enough air into this stinging throat. He could taste the acid burning away his throat as he gave a final retch. He felt hands hold onto him as he started to fall forward. He was so tired, so sick of crying, of thinking, of moving… He just wanted to sleep now…wanted to sink into oblivion and not have to wake up all this mess was over.

Why was he so weak? Why? Why didn't L believe him, why couldn't he face this rejection like he would have before he was introduced to this sick fucked world of Death Notes and Shinigami? He vaguely registered that someone was cleaning up his face and helping him wash out his mouth. He just wobbled there with blurred eyes. Tears still falling silently. Why was L able to make him cry like this, why did he make him feel so hopeless now that he knew how the detective felt? Hisao made him sick, not sad, he didn't make him cry like this… He could feel people wrestling him into clean clothes, clothes that actually fit him; and he felt his body being led to a bed. He closed his eyes with stubborn tears still falling. He knew he was being watched by amused, worried, and curious eyes.

He probably looked like a hormonal woman; in fact he was acting like one…sort of… He could only dread what questions they would ask him as soon as he woke up, if he even fell asleep… He heard one of his small chairs be dragged away from the table after a hushed voice conversation took place outside the room. He turned away from the table to face the wall and pulled the blankets, tucked around him, tighter. He heard the room's other occupants breathing and the light thrum of wind against the window. Somewhere along the way the noises had suddenly changed to laughing, birds chirping, and basic day noises.

His body was stiff, his mouth tasted horrible, and his jaw was stiff. He slowly turned around and saw Mello asleep on the table, and Near staring at him on one of the chairs. Raito was instantly awake and aware of what happened. He looked down at his knees which seemed to be gravitating toward his chest. He stared at the movement with a confused expression but sighed and wrapped his arms around his legs. He rested his cheek against his knees and stared at Near who was in a similar position.

"Why?" Raito closed his eyes and marked that up as the first question of the day. When he opened his eyes he noted that there were several completed puzzles on the spaces of the table Mello wasn't drooling on. "Why?" Near pressed on, and Raito looked at him with a confused expression. Near let out a breath, it wasn't exactly a sigh, just letting out air in away that showed no emotion. "Why did L send you here when you could be useful with him? Your test results say you're smarter than either of us, no not just smarter, it's not just brains we're talking about… I wish to know _why_," Raito's jaw was trembling and he tried not to think of the answer for that question. The silence continued and Raito turned away while trying to contain his emotions.

"Looks like you're in love," Mello scoffed, Raito turned his head and blinked at the now, very much awake teen. "I was trying to catch some more sleep when Near started to talk," Mello muttered something like 'freak' under his breath. "I mean I'm no expert, but either something illegal happened or you have not so five year old feelings for L," Raito's whole body started to shake and he bit his tongue. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

Near seemed confused but then started to ponder this possibility, it was obvious who was the brains and who was the heart. The one who had emotions was Mello, and the robot was Near. Ratio shook his head as his throat started to burn and tears reached the corners of his eyes. "N-NO," was his hoarse reply. His throat was dry and scratchy, it hurt to talk. He winced but continued on. "No…t-that's n-not it," why couldn't he lie smoothly about this?

The two teens looked at him expectantly, but Near spoke before Raito could continue. "Why are you here? I'm starting to see how it's plausible that you have…feelings for L" Raito involuntarily winced…perhaps with more sleep he could control his reactions better, "and your response to his name,"

"Yeah, when you started to cry and just now when you winced. I'm sure you're just being impressionable but you have some pretty adult emotions raging inside you, don't you?" Mello finished for Near and both looked at Raito contemplatively.

Raito choked out a sob not able to contain himself anymore, why did he have to fall apart like this? His tiny hands wiped at the tears as his small figure shook with each gasp and cry.

"Listen kid, we all kind of hero-worship L, but… We've never acted like that, I just don't get why you get all cry-baby on us when we bring him up," Mello gave up halfway on cheering up the kid, after all he did show disdain for the little Raito even while trying to comfort him. Near pursed his lips before he spoke loudly enough for Raito to hear over his hysterics.

"What did you dream about? You kept screaming 'stop' and saying 'no'. You looked like you were in pain" Raito kept crying but his face paled and he couldn't seem to breathe. Mello muttered his insult again and shook his head.

"He's been here all night, we were suppose to switch posts," Mello stated before continuing on, "But you did seem to be having a nightmare," Raito slowly stopped crying but he still couldn't breathe. An idea was already forming in his mind and he knew this would be a perfect escape.

"I…I ran away from the orphanage," he choked on his words and gasped for air, "A-a man…h-he," Raito forced a convincing whimper and drew his knees tighter to his body. "I-I didn't do anything wrong did I? W-why'd he do that to me?" his eyes were wide and watery and his jaw was trembling. "I-it hurt a lot…I-I could move when he left alone," he forced himself to start crying and he hid his face from the two teens staring at him. "L-L found me and helped me…h-he's really nice," he choked out started to sob all over again. "I-I didn't think about w-what that man did to me,"

Near got up from his seat followed by Mello and the two fourteen year olds left Raito on his bed bawling. They needed to talk to an adult, this was out of their socially stunted hands.

A/N: sorry for the wait and I'm sorry it was pretty angsty. This more of a transition chapter, and I'm kind of stuck in this fanfic I'm writing that really angst-filled so… yeah thus the loss of cute lovable-ness.


	6. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own deathnote, I could never come up with that plot even in my most subdued dreams.

_**Better Summary & WARNINGS:**_ "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,** character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one**.

**A/N:** This is a pathetically short chapter, and for that I am sorry. But I am updating so don't kill me. Though you may want to at the end anyway… please enjoy the…three minute chapter.

They were staring, and staring, and staring. They were waiting for him to speak, they were calculating him. Why did they have to stare, it wasn't like he was going to break. More staring, and with each slow tic from the clock the staring seemed to intensify. He was beginning to feel suffocated, overwhelmed, and it took all his self control not to fidget. So Near and Mello told them, told them about what he had said.

Should he break down again? They were going to take this seriously; in fact there was a web conference with Watari. They were staring, not saying anything. Were they waiting for someone else? He took slow breath after slow breath. He had to be calm, must be calm. Could he continue to fake this incident, well it did happen in his other life, but not with this body not as he is now.

The door opened and closed which caused Raito to look at who came in. It was a kind looking older woman, she walked slowly towards Raito and gave a bright warming smile. She looked around the room before frowning and shaking her head. "I'm sorry gentlemen, would you leave for a just a moment, I would like to talk to Light, alone for a moment," he voice was sickly sweet. The people who had been in the room filed out and left the two alone. The woman continued to use that annoying tone with him. She told him her name and went on and on about how he could trust her.

He gave a weak smile before getting up and walking across the room. He scanned the shelves of books, the room he was in seemed to be a study; on of the shining gold titles caught his attention. His small hands were able to touch the bottom of the book's spine. He jumped and strained his arm to get it but he couldn't. The woman came over and grabbed the book off the shelf and smiled at Raito again. She tried to read the book to him but he was flipping the pages before she could get three-fourths down the page. She got the message eventually and left the boy alone for a little while.

After forty-five minuets she lost her cool, "Light, you can trust me, you can tell me what happened okay?" Raito looked up at her and shook his head. "Please Light, I want to help you, I am a friend okay?" Raito felt he eye twitch and he took a deep breathe. He closed the book, a beautiful piece by Shakespeare, and shook his head again. He did not want to speak with Watari listening and possibly hearing. Watari must be in the control room in that building L created. Raito took a deep breath and contained himself. He'd risk it.

"If you talk to me like I'm a child you won't get anywhere," the woman seemed shocked by the maturity in his voice. "I'm confused and I'm trying to understand what happened, why it happened. I don't think you can help me with that," he was in control, in control of his emotions and everything.

"I see," her voice did not have the sickening tone to it; in fact it was lovely and soft. She sat down next to Raito looked him in the eye; Raito looked back with his dead eyes. She looked down and chewed her lip, "Do you know what exactly he did? Why we want to know and to stop him?" He shook his head slowly; perhaps playing dumb might help his situation. "That man who hurt you, he did a very bad thing. He endangered your life and health. He might be doing this to other people too, and we want to stop that cycle. We want to make sure you are fine, and to let you know we are all here for you, to talk to you. Light, do you remember who did this? Where or when it took place?" he shook his head. "I know it might be painful, but can you try?"

He sighed, and closed his eyes. There was Hisao, he was fighting him, hurt him. He felt the knife, he felt his lips, and he felt the pain. He could smell Hisao's skin, feel the heat radiating off of him, and he could feel his own bareback scraping into the alleyway. Raito's mouth felt odd, his stomach lurched; he bit his tongue and willed the bile down. His best friend did those things, forced him down, forced his legs apart. How long had he been holding all of that in? How close was he to being raped on a daily basis? What about the nights he stayed with Hisao working on projects and pulling all-nighters. He shook his head he could feel anger rising. That was his best friend…his obsessive friend.

Raito remembered where he was when the woman touched his shoulder gently. He shook his head repeatedly, "I don't remember where or what he looked like. I just remember…" he closed his eyes again and shuddered. He felt sick again, and he felt angry. "I can't forget what happened…" he whispered and got up heading for the door.

"Light?" it was a mechanical drone, but it was Watari's drone. "Was it someone from the orphanage? You can tell us," Raito shook his head as he tried to pull the heavy oak door open. "Light, did this really happen to you," He gave up and turned around before marching toward the computer. Watari didn't believe him either. His eyes were livid, why didn't anyone believe what he said?

"What? That I wasn't pushed into an alley wall? That my clothes weren't ripped from my body, and I wasn't thrown onto the ground? What, that my legs weren't pulled open and the most excruciating experience of my life commenced with one fucking little thrust? Are you saying that I wasn't raped? That, that one hour of my life never happened? I wish that was true but it isn't!" tears began to form at the corners of his eyes, why was he doubted. He didn't need Watari doubting his words; he didn't need to be doubted like he was with L. "I'm telling the truth, I don't want to be…be…doubted, because I've been telling the truth!" his voice became shrill and his face was red. He whirled around and raced for the door.

He banged on the door, and pulled with all the might that his little arms contained. He was able to open it an inch before he gave up heaving. L didn't believe him, Watari didn't believe him, L was going to die and never come back. He began to bawl as he fell to the ground and brought his knees to his chest. He was trying to make everything right but it wasn't working and no one believed him. Of course he knew there would be doubt, that was the whole point of him looking like this, but it was so frustrating. Especially when it was something this small (in comparison to Kira), why wouldn't anyone believe him?

He vaguely felt arms lift him up and carry him back to his room. How many times was he taken to his room crying and half out of it? Twice, and that was one too many. Struggled against the arms and successful fell to the ground, and proceeded to scream for the woman to get out. He crawled on to the bed, and was plagued with reliving that painful experience in dreamland.

When he immerged from slumber land he was greeted with an empty room. He walked the crowded halls and ate his breakfast silently. No one bothered him, no one talked to him, and he was grateful for this. Near and Mello greeted him around noon and treated him with indifference and anger (respectively). He began to attend classes, and he drank greedily from all they had to offer in those classes. The instructors were kind enough and didn't force him to talk, he was left alone.

The next day was better, he was still given piece but he met some nice people, some nice children. He forced himself to play there idiotic games and he began to smile and enjoy these embarrassing games. Before the month was over he was well liked by all the other children, though Mello still treated him like he was a threat. By, what everyone guessed was, Raito's birthday, Raito was completely at home. He followed the Kira case and shook his head at each mysterious cooperate death. By his next birthday they received notice that L was dead.

Mello ran out of the building, screaming that he'd solve this case, and Near merely sat in what Raito assumed to be stunned silence. Raito left soon after Mello and was able to contain everything that was running through his mind in that moment. However when the door closed he sank to the ground and felt tears roll down his cheeks. He was quite in his mourning, he silent with his gasps and cries. L was dead, and it was all for a waste…

_"L this will save you, I promise," the small shot felt warm in L's hand. Its needle was sharp and fine, and the liquid held inside was the color of silver. But when the light caught it, it was refracted into many splendid colors. "Inject this just before you die…you will be but into a…coma like state. You won't die, but you won't live. You'll be frozen, frozen in time," Raito smiled looking hopefully. "There are better instructions with it, and you'll know when, it will be just after you capture the Kira wanna be,"_

They would still catch Kira, but L would never come back…


	7. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own deathnote, I could never come up with that plot even in my most subdued dreams.

_**Better Summary & WARNINGS:**_ "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,** character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one**.

**A/N:** This is another very short chapter, and it probably has many errors. However I would like to say thank you to everyone who reviewed. To be completely honest I forgot I even updated that story and when I read your comments I couldn't help but laugh and smile and be thrilled. Thank you, all of you for reading. I hope you like this chapter, it's not very good, not as good as the last one (in my opinion). See… I think I have a problem, after so many pages or the fifth chapter, nothing comes to me. So be happy this is only a month difference. Enjoy! – with much love and big smiles, depressedchildren

Near and Matt were gone, and he was left at the orphanage. No matter how much he pleaded and argued with the headmaster, they wouldn't let him go. Near had offered to look after, to take in Raito on his eighteenth birthday, but he didn't want to work with or under Near. And to make matters worse, they wouldn't let Raito receive any information on the Kira Case, or the proceedings of the world. Did they think he couldn't handle the information? Did they think he would race off into the night and never come back, all to solve the case?

He was eleven now, and he grew almost two feet since he was five. He could pass off as a sixteen year old, if it wasn't for he remnants of baby fat. He was about five foot and a half, well that may be stretching it, but there are teenager boys that are five foot. He had gone to high school with at least ten of them. Also, he had the equivalent of a four year university education, yet they still wouldn't let him live on his own.

Which lead to him sneaking out every night, so he found a way to hack the security cameras, and he found a way to picklock every window and door, and a way to shut off the alarms, he wasn't breaking any laws or stealing; so it made it fine right? In the dark streets of London, Raito would find anything he could on the Kira case, or the standing of Kira. And to his horror there were nightclubs and shrines all dedicated to that mass murderer. He always felt his stomach churn when he passed by a pub where that name so akin to "killer" was chanted over and over.

But with each late night excursion he learned more and more about the fanatic supporters, the people trying exploit Kira's infamy and terror. For example the Sakura TV man, that phony bastard was everywhere, trying to build temples and get money from the idiots that supported that monster. Raito would shake his head at every bitter and choice word he had for Kira, after all it was petty and hypocritical. In another life with out that backstabbing rapist friend, he would have been the mastermind behind the killings, the hand writing down the names.

He was watching one show dedicated to Kira and a face stuck out to him. It was the face of a man he had seen before, a man that had been used in that twisted line of life where he was the sole creator of Kira. This current thread would follow that one to the dot, and he knew that he would crucial all over again. He did as much research as he could on the glasses wearing man and he was still the same perfect candidate.

As months passed and the frenzy over Kira swelled Raito began to feel hopeless. Perhaps he should give Near a few hints, maybe Near wouldn't doubt him. But how could he get in touch with that stoic boy? He planned everything he would say, the perfect ways to phrase things. He tried to gather as much evidence, and clues he could to support his knowledge, his knowing of what was to come. But no matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't be enough. Near would probably just doubt him like everyone else.

"I want to speak with Near" he finally got it out and the old man behind that desk looked at him over his papers with an eyebrow raised. He shrugged assuming the least and began to arrange what he could, to get in contact with near, of course that was going to take months. And as the days dwindled by in complete darkness to what was happening, and most likely happening to his family, he was beginning to go a little mad. His perfect case and examples were slipping his mind even as he went over them and over them. Finally he was brought into a room, a soundproof room with a web chat open connected to Near. A gothic N was his logo and it made Raito's eye's sting as he thought about L.

"Yes Light?" he asked in a mechanical drone, which made his chest hurt even though he tried his best to block out the past it wasn't enough. He just wanted to forget L now, but it was so difficult. Anything evolving the Kira case would force him to think of the stoic man. "Light?" came the questioning drone again and Raito flushed, had he really been spacing out as he mourned over the only person he loved? He shook his head as Near began to speak again, "Light, I'm going to go back to work unless you start speaking," his voice was strained and tired. He was speaking to a child and to be frank it pissed Raito off.

"Have you looked at the Kira support shows and stuff?" Near made a signal of confirmation, "Well there is one man, he has classes, I want to say his name is Toro; he's on everyone that's up. I did some research on him, he has OCD, well from what I can tell. He does the same things over and over, he's about doing things habitually. I'd put money on Kira for using him as a…a user of the note,"

"I'll keep note, thank you Light, was that all you wanted to talk about?" there was a brief pause while Raito bit his tongue, should he say it? Dare he ask? Would any information even be given to him?

"How is the case going? Has Mello done something irrational, murderous, or endangering of someone's well being?" His heart seemed to stop beating as he waited for Near's answer. His breath was caught in his throat and his body was warming up in fear.

"He kidnapped Yagami Sayu," he stated calmly and Raito winced, he didn't want his sister to be harmed. But he should have expected as much. "From what I understand the taskforce is in America, and the new L is an idiot. I believe Mello has a Death Note, perhaps the one the taskforce had," Raito groaned.

"The new L is going to risk my" he stopped speaking the rest of the sentence continuing in his mind _my father_, "He's going to risk my…family," he repeated, "the task force was always so kind to mean. But I'm afraid Chief Yagami is going to die because of the new L. Near when you were conducting and extracting information on the Kira case…did you ever run by the name Itou Hisao?" he asked with a slight waver in his voice.

"Well…yes, he was accused of raping and murdering Yagami Raito…and held in custody for the possibility of being Kira. However he doesn't have the intelligence to be Kira,"

"But the intelligence to be this new L…what if…what if Raito was the brains?" he was getting to close, and his hear to was pounding loudly in his ears. Adrenaline began to pump through his body, heating his arms and chest. "W-what if Raito wanted out but Hisao…and that was why?" his voice began to take a pleading tone.

"Light, what exactly are you trying to say, you're hiding something," he state more than asked, like he always did. It was something L would do, state what he observed but order it like a question.

"You'll doubt me like everyone else," he whispered, perhaps too softly to be picked up by the mike. There was a good silence over the web chat. He heard the buzz of Near's intercom being pressed but the male didn't say anything and the electronic buzz hung between them.

"Light what exactly are you, were you?" he felt like he was going to die, was something believing him!? "I can't deny your resemblance to Yagami Raito, and from what I've heard from a member of the taskforce…you seemed to know more about the case than anyone could have. Not to mention the name coincidence," Raito chuckled, sure Near could hear him, his mike wasn't like an intercom after all.

"L never believed me…so would you then?" it was another murmur to himself but he took a deep breath, "I was Yagami Raito…please don't doubt me," his mouth made those words but the only sound that emitted from him was on his name. The connection died and Raito slowly closed his eyes before bowing his head and letting out the first of many sobs.

It was official, everyone doubted him.

He woke up in his stiff bed; the decorations in the room became blander with the years. Brass bed, oak work table, and oak desk; there were no other fixings in the room and it was all blinding white. He felt his forehead; it was feverish, mostly due to his dreams, dreams of L. He sat up and pinched the bridge of his nose, he had such a headache. Unlike his other dreams of L, which always left him panting and feeling ashamed, this one was haunting. It started out like most of his but…it changed.

_"L!" he gasped as he lay writhing on his back, longing for contact. L was over him, his deep circles under his eyes making them more shocking. He moaned at the stare. His hands, reached out for his pale chest. It was the chest he saw from the Shinigami window when he was shown the different threads of fate. It was a chest with muscles rippling beneath pale unmarred skin. It was a chest with small indentations of muscle and masculine feel despite the man's overall lithe figure. _

_He felt lips on his neck searching for a place that would make him arch and gasp and squirm. Of course he found it within seconds, trailing the most gentle of kisses down his jaw line and neck. There was never any hickey making kisses on his neck, just these gentle light kisses that made his crazy. His legs spread apart and like in most fantasies L was inside him without pain or hesitation. It was a bliss he never experienced…at least enjoyable and he was tumbling out of his mind. But the dream changed L was over him in his usual clothes._

_"I'm here Raito…I believe you," he whispered, he was so pale and ghostly. His long fingers brushed sweaty strands of hair out of his eyes. L's obsidian eyes were shinning with something, something indescribable. "I never doubted you Raito," his whisper was right at the boy's ear and he shivered, mewling softly and reaching toward him. "I love you too," and the faintest of all kisses was planted on his lips. _

Raito tried to clear his foggy mind. The last part of his dream haunted him so much, it wasn't that it was frightening but something in it terrified him.It made his chest ache more than any time before. He clenched the sheets beneath him before slowly lying back down. He couldn't sleep anymore and so lay awake just like his first night, staring at the blinding white ceiling.

All the other children were screeching and jumping about as they grabbed their coats and lined up for the outing. It was the annual outing to this park which held some sort of festival, in other words, it was when they let all the little good boys and girls out of the asylum. "Now remember to stick with your partners!" he rolled his eyes at the false cheerfulness of the poor teacher in charge of organizing the whole operation, it was clear she was itching for a smoke and some vodka (or something equally strong if not stronger).

Raito was stuck with this girl; she was nine and clearly had a little girl crush on him. He contained his sigh as she practically hung off of him. One of fourteen year olds winked at him, he was adopted by the older kids, so to speak, since Near and Mello left. It was tradition that the older ones run off from the group and explore the place on their own. He was looking forward to anything that would get the girl off of him.

It was brisk out when the reached the park, but it was bright and the park was full of color. There were vendors with their eye catching signs and stalls lined up along the walkway and stationed at strategic places. It was all the same, the same games, the same prizes. He rolled his eyes as the girl dragged him all over the place. He stood back while she tried to when a blatantly rigged game.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" Raito scoffed at the teen next to him. The teen was twitching and his fingers were tapping rapidly against his leg. The kid he was partnered up with was also playing the game Raito's partner was.

"We just got here," and the teen sighed before laughing with Raito. "Anyways, think they can be stuck together and not tear their faces off?" he whispered and the teen nodded. The two little kids came back and looked excitedly up at the two "big kids" before them. "Hey we'll be going around the stalls with James, does that sound good?" he asked calmly but enthusiastically to get the little girl to dumbly agree. "Great, now where to?" he asked as she pointed dramatically toward a little puppet show that was beginning.

After a few more hours the two left the little kids, they seemed to be taking care of themselves just fine. In fact they were just the ghosts in the background while they raced around everywhere. The teen lead Raito to some wooded area and in a small clearing fifteen other teenagers were there. A few of them were necking and other's were smoking. James sighed in relief and took a cigarette from one of his friends, and once it was lighted and he took his first puff, he was clearly in euphoria.

Raito sat down in the soft cool grass, he watched and listened. He would laugh at the jokes he found funny and just enjoyed the lack of little kids. His eye's roamed around the clearing before drifting up to look among the trees. It was all green and shaded, making the area even colder, but it was nice. In the peace his eyes became heavy, and it may have also been from the smoke.

He knew he was going to reek of nicotine but what did that matter? However something made his heart stop. He gasped and stood up, perhaps a little too quickly, for his vision spotted out before coming back in. He sighed and sat back down, it must have been his imagination…but he could have sworn L was standing somewhere between the trees. He shuddered and told the other's he was going to head back.

He detoured of course, finding wooded areas that would most definitely length his return to the madness. It was nice and quite. He closed his eyes as he stood in a patch of light, it felt so wonderful. "Raito?" his eyes snapped open, that voice sounded just like L. Was he going mad? He spun around, his eyes searching the trees in a frenzy. Nothing. He sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. It was getting dark now, it was going to rain. Now which way was the madness?

He closed his eyes and listened; he strained his hearing but heard nothing. Well he figured he might go right, that was the direction he was taken to meet up with the teens. After what felt like an eternity he found the grounds and there was absolutely no one. "Fuck" he sighed and went toward one of the stall venders. They left an hour ago. If they weren't back to find him yet, then…well they didn't notice his absence. It didn't really depress him so much as make him laugh.

To add on to his misfortune the rain began. He stared up at the grey clouds and laughed again. The rain was so beautiful, even if it was chilling him to the bone. Well might as well find a pub and grab something to eat. It was mid afternoon; he skipped lunch, and a half hour's walk away from Wammy's. He was going to take his sweet time.

**A/N:** So…what do you think? I just really want to get over all of the middle ground, growing up stuff. And I put in a little yaoi yumminess. I hope you liked it despite the length, grammar, spelling, and over all dullness. Please review, because they do encourage me to write! - all the warmest feelings I can muster, depressedchildren


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note nor do I own its characters. It all belongs to its respective creater

**_A/N:_** Hey, what has it been? Two years? Sorry, I must say, it surprised me that there were nearly 100 reviews. To be honest after about thirty pages or five chapters, which ever comes last, I loose my creative flow. So here it is very belated. Please don't kill me, and enjoy the fanficiton. - depresedchildren

Raito sat down on a stool in a small pub on his way back to the orphanage. He had a few bills from odd jobs around the orphanage. Plus, they were usually given an allowance for the holidays, and not following their religions, Raito saved up those allowances. He could afford this, and so shook his coat out before hanging on the back of his stool. He ordered a cup of tea while he waited for his sandwich.

Like most pubs, there was a cloud of smoke hanging in the air and the food was sadly lacking and greasy. How one could make a turkey sandwich greasy was beyond the brunette. However, it was not a completely wasted stop. He picked up information on the progression of the Kira case from the television and the other pub patrons. It was nearly over, nearly over.

Raito mourned for his father's passing, berating himself for wasting his chance to save his father. Raito looked smiled slightly at the news of the news anchor dying, killing Mello in the process. Praying to all the deities he knew, Raito hoped Near heeded his advice. If the robotic man did, then today was Kira's downfall.

Sighing, Raito finished his tea and left a few euros on the counter. Slipping on his coat he made his way to the exit when his doe brown eyes caught something in a dim corner of the bar. Furrowing his brow, Raito took calculated steps toward the thing which caught his attention. His fingers floated over the table, there were several empty sugar cube packets lined up in a…L…?

Raito took a hasty step back before hurrying out of the bar. Perhaps he had finally cracked. The child shuddered and proceeded on his way. His chest still ached at the thought of the pale stoic detective, yet it less than six years previous. The boy brought his coat closer around him as the heavens continued to pour cool droplets of moisture upon him.

He would ignore his hallucinations, and if they persisted then he would go for help, no matter how much the thought made his insides twist. Kira's days were numbered, it was only a matter of time until Hisao was dead. The monster would be vanquished and his evil dispelled. It would end soon, it would end soon.

88

The boy knew it was over when he heard flapping behind him and an annoying laugh. He controlled his reaction, seeing as he was in the middle of a game of kickball. He ignored the annoying creature until one of the boys kicked the ball in the boarder woods. Raito offered to get it and told them that he would be sitting out.

After throwing the ball to them, the teen settled down in the shade of one of the trees and looked up at the hovering shinigami. "What now?" he whispered softly.

His only response was that annoying laugh. Rolling his eyes at the supernatural beings antics, the boy slid his eyelids closed and rested. He could hear the other children head back in, but they did not bother him. He was often forgotten, children were so self-centered after all.

When the night creatures began to come out and Ryuk had yet to talk to Raito the boy rocked into a sitting position. There was a small rustling behind him, but before the boy could hazard a guess as to what it was, he felt arms wrap around him and heard Ryuk cackle louder than before.

Stiffening, Raito slowly turned his head to the side to figure out who the stranger was. The boy's breath hitched and he made a strange jerking motion out of the man's arms. Tired and troubled eyes regarded the boy tenderly. Raito shook his head, scrambling to his feet.

"I don't understand,"

"Neither did I, Light-chan. How could I feel like this toward a child? How could I blind myself to how earnest you were," the boys lips were trembling while Ryuk's laughter only seemed to increase.

"Is this a joke? Ryuk, what are you pulling?" oh how he wanted to believe this was all real, oh how he wanted to succumb to this ruse. Ryuk's laugh increased which followed the pale man's furrowed brow.

"Light-chan" the man paused thinking over his words, "Raito-chan" he stressed, "I used the injection you gave me. It's been five years Raito, I woke up a few weeks ago,"

"But your funeral…" the boy continued to back away from his pale fantasy.

"It was a stand in. As we worked with Yatsuba, I couldn't shake what you had told me and I began to arrange things for my death. Raito, I never doubted you, I just…kept telling my"

"Yourself?" Raito supplied, venom dripping from his words, "You didn't believe me L. How can I forgive you for that? Yeah, you just kept telling yourself I was a silly, lying, impressionable brat!" as the pale man reached out his hand toward the boy, Raito jerked away throwing him an outraged look. "I-I…" he was stumbling over his words in his anger which provided L a chance to take the boy into his arms and hold him close.

Ryuk's laughter faded to the background as L rocked the boy back and forth in his embrace. He buried his nose into the boy's brunette tresses, relishing his subtle scent. "I know, there's little excuse, but I have never been one to take back my actions. I admit that it was one of my largest errors. Raito I love you," he was broken off again, but this time by the boy's sobs.

"Why do you make me cry?" the boy managed through his gasps, "Why didn't Hisao, why do you make me feel weak?" Raito clung to the pale man's shirt for dear life. He felt L's warmth, could hear the faint beat of his heart over Raito's miserable sobs.

L encircled the boy further, as if he was attempting to drag the boy into the center of his being. "I'm sorry; I have regretted my actions for…from the moment I said I didn't believe you. I thought it was the only way…to stop feeling like this," the detective managed to get the boy to look up at him with shining tear filled eyes. "Why do I feel this way?" he whispered to the night air.

He brushed his lips chastely against the smaller one's lips. They both shuddered before fully kissing. It was short and simple, an apology and a pardon. Upon pulling apart, L wiped away the remaining tears from the boy's eyes.

The older of the two brought them down to the ground, Raito in his arms, snuggling against his chest. They remained like that, Ryuk dancing above them with his insane smile. They were in their own world where innocent kisses meant everything and the steady heartbeat of the other was music. "I love you L," Raito whispered finally, as the witching hour drew near.

By this point the two could no longer ignore the shinigami's laughter. The deformed creature almost seemed in pain, from the force of his cackles. He danced above them, as if he knew something they did not.

"Reunited at last," he sang, causing the two human's to furrow their brows. "But oh so late!" he cried in delight, causing the two to pale. "Tick, tock, tick, tock; like Cinderella it will all fade away," he cackled again.

L stared at Raito with mirrored horror in their expressions. They kissed each other again, whispering announcements of love and remembrance over and over, as if it would hold off death. "I don't want you to leave again," Raito whispered, his jaw trembling, and his eyes wide and terrified by the prospect.

"All sweet things fade away," the man whispered, "and maybe you'll find a new sweet. Don't reserve yourself to loneliness Raito, find someone to love as much as I love you," the boy shook his head, tears beginning to spill over his doe brown eyes.

Ryuk was cackling behind them as nearby clock tower began its tolls. Midnight had arrived and the two were sharing one last kiss, "Come on Cinderella, you're pumpkin's waiting, and you've completed the ball. Say could by to your prince," he shinigami took some sort of joy out of this moment.

L opened his eyes, and gave the shinigami a reserved look, but…the creature was looking at Raito, and L no longer felt he boy's weight against his chest. Light was filling the space the boy had been, millions of rainbows and pure radiating light.

"No…" he whispered, but the boy's light was fading away, "I don't understand!" the man shouted, rising to his feet.

"Happily ever after is a concept you humans created. He completed his task, and you'll soon forget about him. Why would we give his life back, when in another day and age, he would have been Kira? Life and love are fleeting things, human, get used to that,"

L shook his head, his fists clenched at his sides. "The whole world will forget Light existed, and the great L is no exception," the shinigami mocked before flying away into the night, leaving a broken man in his wake.

88

True to his word, everyone forgot, forgot L had died, and forgot about Light's existence. Near understood his involvement in the case had been a test, L had been in the shadows supplying the boy with crucial information, such as the OCD Kira worshiper.

But nights when the moon was cold and bright in the sky, skewing the world with refracted light and rings, L could feel something, feel something ache in his chest and mind. There was unbelievable sadness accompanied by a warmth that was so complete. His critical and logical mind could only tell him it was love, but of who and where were they now? A name would come to him late at night, when that moon shone at him in its eerie, beautiful way; _Raito._

**_A/N:_**_ Please don't kill me, it just came to me while I was wirting and it seemed so perfect and bitter sweet. I'm sorry that it was really gushy, but I felt this was how it should end. I was crying writing this, wanting a happy ending, but I couldn't, my muse wouldn't let me. Perhaps it's hormones making me tear up over it, but who knows. I hope you liked it. - love, depressedchildren_


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